message in a bottle
2021-05-04 15:08:03 (UTC)

So I might be losing it

Monday after work I bought some pot gummies. (It’s legal here) I didn’t have to work Tuesday. I am an idiot I really am. On the package it says may take up to 30-45minutes to work. I ate half of one. I felt nothing after an hour, maybe some mild effects. So I ate another whole one. And then it all hit. Middle of cooking dinner. I managed to stumble through cooking some of the best salmon I’ve ever tasted in my life (very much bragging) and then went and laid down on the couch. I was very very high. 5hours later I was finally sober enough to brush my teeth and head to bed. I slept really well and I think I’m still high this morning, either that or my body is going “what the heck”. Don’t think I’ll be doing that again, at least that much. Small doses though might actually be really good for me. I have anxiety that tends towards selective mutism especially in group situations. I should probably go and actually get it diagnosed and get beta blockers. When I first learned what selective mutism was I messaged a friend that I’ve had for years and years and said ‘look at this’, she messaged back ‘you’ve always been like that’.
Last night while still high I deleted some posts, it’s a pretty awful thing to write and see yourself without any of the masks you hide behind.
On here I’m am not pretty, innocent looking, typical housewife type, I am just words. Some of them ugly. Maybe I am ugly.