TM49

My History Of Familial Incest
2021-05-04 14:39:33 (UTC)

Chasing Hapiness....

For a long time now I've come to accept the idea that happiness is not a constant state of being. You don't search for it and arrive, never to leave. Happiness like most emotions are moments in time. The only state of mind that can be constant is a type of contentment or perhaps "open awareness of the moment." I know that sounds new age but I hope to explain it further. Recovery teaches that we should attempt to live in this open awareness of the moment. To much thinking back and to much worry for the future keeps us stuck in a perpetual state of heightened anxiety, and yet it's impossible to think that we can always live our life that way as well. As flawed humans our emotions take us all over the map as they were meant to do. A therapists viewpoint is that we must all strive to maintain "good" emotions and decrease "bad" emotions in order to maintain a functional life. Not bad advice....not easy to do.
Everyone thinks they will reach this place of happiness and then life will be good, except happiness is fleeting and tempered by a thousand other feelings. So they don't find this place to live and continue struggling on waiting for the grand arrival that won't come. They are moments, little snapshots that exhilarate us and make up laugh and sing and in nostalgia cry out for their return. We desire them and we need them, but treat them as positive places on the timeline instead of waiting around for shangri-la. You can't always be happy, and you shouldn't always be sad.
Be open and aware, attempt to see life as ONE day and what can you fill that one day with? Can you find happiness for a little while even if your overall life doesn't change? Can you be alright, say a kind word to someone, and conduct yourself in a positive way.?
Strive for that, not desperately chasing happiness which only visits for a little while. This is what I try to focus on in my own life, a life that has been far more difficult than it should have been. Yet in the present moment I can laugh, I can sing along to an old song and eat spicy Mexican good and have an intense orgasm. Moments of happiness. It's not a bad place to me.
-TM