Songbird System

Raven
2021-05-04 09:57:22 (UTC)

To nobody's surprise I'm stressed

Yep I'm stressed. Very stressed. Very overwhelmed. I feel like fucking screaming. Every moment is fucking agony. ;) Why...why did I put the winky face there? You know what, fuck it. Winky face everything ;)

Well, um, everything is getting worse and I'm just very stressed. My mom doesn't realize that she is only making everything worse. I want to tell her about our OSDD so she stops hugging alters that are repulsed and triggered by physical contact because I'm such a hugger and physical touch is my love language (not to mention I get like touch starved sometimes if I don't constantly get hugs or, you know, feel great anxiety because past trauma of being punished for not giving people hugs when they wanted one). But I know how my mom and everybody would react because they're so fucking ableist concerning disorders relating to alters. WE WOULD HAVE REALIZED KALEIGH. Uh, about that, I'm Raven.

That moment when you have therapy and realize that you did indeed forget that you were an alter and not the original. Oh God. Yeah, so me and Kaleigh are different people. Different people used to update this diary. When? How? What the fuck? OSDD is fucking confusing. Have fun with me having an existential crisis and questioning my whole self and past, therapist. HAVE FUN WITH THIS DISASTER OF A SYSTEM.

So yeah my dad is getting worse and he's starting to stalk me again. That's not good. And I'm out of my mania whatever the fuck state. I don't know what's going on with me have fun figuring that out too therapist. I'm just trying to fucking stay alive. Which is very hard when you have a fucking insane family. And a cousin who is completely willing to fuck your corpse.

Anywayyyyyy, um, I'm just overwhelmed. By everything. There's just so much going on and I'm like overstimulated 24/7. I want to be left alone, but that's not gonna happen. Whenever I try to be alone, people hate me. They call me selfish. That I have to take care of everything. I just want to be alone. I want to heal. I want to be away from this goddamn fucking family.

God, I fucking hate my life. I fucking hate it here. I want to be free for once in my life. I want people to truly understand me and not an idealized doll they have created.




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