Ad 2:
2021-05-03 22:52:08 (UTC)


E invited me over to smoke weed today, and I remembered that I forgot to listen to the latest song he wrote for his (possibly) new girlfriend. I guess I took it a little personally when he went on and on euphorically about his new honeymoon phase after I'd told him what happened between C and I. I'm not so bothered now. Keeping certain thoughts at bay is working though, but it's working because I'm starting to finally focus on moving on.

I think I admitted to myself that I have a crush on someone and for the first time, indulged in that feeling. I struggled with these things in the past, not just because I was unavailable for such things but because I always fought with myself to explain my emotions and trace every feeling back to a reason in order to control and then erase it. Not doing that this time though. This time I'm just going to say whatever, roll with it. I wholeheartedly belief I've earned it. No overthinking, just riding a wave.

Spontaneous does not mean reckless, but I do need winding down. I want to have certain experiences in my arsenal, and knowing myself I'll always make sure to go about them safely and responsibly. I trust myself to know what I'm doing.

I seem to have lost my train of thought.

Oh well.