my life is a mess that i can't escape
2021-05-02 20:24:55 (UTC)

i felt beautiful

I woke up early today, and wrote something to my bullet journal. I also had my breakfast before my parents woke up. When my mother woke up, I called my grandmother. I'm calling her almost everyday. Sometimes I'm being busy, or I forget to call her (unfortuantely). In those situations, she behaves cold to me. On the other hand, my cousin that rarely calls her. She always seems to be as the most sincere one. Because I'm a cold, and a moody teenager (also a little bit depressive)

By the way, I had a discussion with my mother in the morning. She asked me what i will wear for my cousin's wedding. That's one of the reasons to hate my cousin. Because there are lots of corona cases here, and she couldn't wait for some time to marry with her boyfriend. They have been dating for almsot more than 5 years. Also, my mom and grandma don't want to accept it, but she calles us frequently nowadays. Probably she is trying to seem nice to us. I also hate weddings, and I don't want to think about it in this pandemic situation.

Of course, life goes on and we have to do our daily routines despite the life conditions. But I'm so tired. Because when I need to go out because of my requirements, my mother doesn't allow me. She always talk about the pandemic situation, but now she tninks that I don't want my cousin's happinness. Yes, I don't like her so much, but I don't want her sadness. Everyone can do whatever they want, but I don't want to be inreseted in their silly intentions.

Anyway, today I felt beautiful. Because I had shower, and wore a nice tshirt. I was going to join some psychology events for today, but I felt too lazy to do that, especially on Sunday. I was too lazy to do something that I'm interested in, but I studied science lessons today. After my studies, I joined the meeting with the friends from voluntary work. As a president of the group, I had to write some papers about our club. I haven't send them yet, I hope they're okay.

While waiting for the dinner, we played a Kahoot game with those friends. There were silly and cringe questions. I left the room early because I was ashamed enought to have such stupid friends. I ate dinner, and drank coffee in the evening.

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