Gentleman ♀

A little too real

TUT Hello again,

Alright first of all I just wanted to say don't judge me for the fanfic I talk about later. I think it's entertaining and I don't read the gross ones, just the interesting ones. I also consider the ones I read non-cannon and with different characters based on the real ones so shush your face and don't hate it till you've tried it. Okay so for the past month I've been reading supernatural fanfics and trying to forget how I only have a season left till the show ends forever and some of them... okay a lot of them have to do with one of the brothers attempting suicide by overdosing or cutting or not eating or just being self-destructive in general. I was like "that's sad, I don't know how I would deal with someone I know doing anything like that" and then during that time I discovered the song Friend Please and later that day I overheard my mom talking about her friend in Florida that just lost his brother (plus his two other brothers were in jail for drugs and attempted murder) and had posted on Facebook for someone- anyone to call him. She thought she was being secretive about it but I could make out what was happening. I'm not stupid, her friend was... not in a good place to say the least. Once again I was like "oh my god that's horrible but once again it's none of my business. I don't know what I would do if anyone I was close with tried something like that". I almost wished something like that would happen though just to make me interesting but I decided definitely against it, there's a difference between bored and insane and I do not want to cross it. Then yesterday I went to my (family friend whos more like a) cousin, Sarah's, birthday party and I don't really talk to her much (cause she's more friends with my little sister since their both 9 and 10) but I did want to talk to her brother Ethan who is about a year younger than me but he was hanging out with his OLDER friends (like teenagers already) and I really didn't feel like socializing with those bozos who more than likely did some sort of drugs or vape and overall weren't known for being good people. So instead I sat in the car with my real cousin who showed me the song Seratonin by Girl In Red. I thought "cool song wouldn't it be horrible if someone I knew felt like that". Whelp guess what happened next? Today my Aunt came over to pick up my sister to hang out with Sarah and while my sister was getting changed she told me how she didn't know if Eathen had told me or not but he has attempted to take his life like FOUR TIMES NOW! What the actual hell, I knew he was a more than troubled kid but four times? She told me how he was on meds and they had to give him a stomach pump and my brain was just not comprehending it at that point. I was terrified! Honestly, my memory of it is a bit foggy after that but she said she afraid for him to go to middle school and how kids were bullying him on the bus and how some douchebag had offered this 5th grader weed and he did it and he openly told his mom and said it made him feel better. It ended with her saying she'd give me his number and that he just needed a good friend and how I was his age and how he seemed to feel close to me. According to her he always asked if I was coming whenever Hailey hung out or at birthday parties or easter which I never really expected since he usually just ignored me other than the occasional conversation. I guess it's a bit my fault too though since I'm a really quiet kid and I didn't notice it but apparently I'm especially quiet recently so I could definitely try harder to talk to him. I've always felt close to him even when we don't really talk so I guess I'm on a mission to get closer to him. I'm such an awkward, quiet person so this should be fun. Wish me luck and dear god (or whatever out there if anything) help Ethan. I'll write again soon see ya soon!

~Gentleman