If I die today
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2021-05-02 09:05:45 (UTC)


I'm just getting in to the day nDea spent the night with me bc guess what? eCarri was in there trailer so the move is happening now the final stpes I guess there was an issue with the house and propety manamement was cleaning their house still yesteraday. I don thtink that was eCarri's scheme but still I told him dont contact me till theres been a separtion then I suggested well maybe he can stay with a friend who has something comfortable for the night and he offered to come here. so he did and he stayed. I just love him . We did have a bottle of wine between the 2 of us and 1 single serve sargia. I feel ok but I think wine does him in. I woke up around 5 then like every hour till around 8 when we were waking up together. We went to sleep after midnight. I'm on coffee #1 from the keurig. I might do one more keurig coffe and then I guess I have to tackle chores at some point. I ate on seratono fast break pumpkin seeeds at like 9 when I made the coffee's so I'm skipping breakfast sinc eit already after 10 but I had plannined on oatmeal I didnt know I was having a guest. Overall I know he's trying and doing his best and I dont doubt our relationship I'm happy with him. I do not know how soon our future together will come but I believe he's my forever. I have a little bit of a headache and like tmj pain. yesterday I had some text with my sister and we openly were texting about a lot of childhood things it wa kinda therouptic and healing yet its sickening. We have a lot of similar memories. We dont either one of us quiete understand the abuse we went thru. I'm planning on burning off a few more red moles today (I know sounds gross) I'm slow thinking so moving on. TOdays quesion:
What in my life no longer serves me - emotionally, physcially and spiritually?
This is a tough one. I do have my old friend emik noNelso 's cards old IDs and stuff he gave me IDK why but I suppose I dont need to keep those around. Alchol isnt doing me many favors lol. My clothes have some questionable things in there that dont fit right or are not the look I feel good about . Unfortbaly I dont think I acutally use my slinky's much. Althou they sit right by bed close by always. Theres likely some food depencies that I have shed I would hope. I think I'm maturing so I'm getting away from cartoons slowly still enjoy them on occasion but other times I could care less. the news doesnt do much for me either. Outside the physical things stil in my life that dont serve me .. hiding the past, hoarding , overeating, the damsil in distress character isnt workin for me either. I am still having trouble thinking and I'm having reflux now too I cant keep writing right now

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