legacy

If I die today
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2021-05-01 07:46:56 (UTC)

childhood joy?

Ive been awake since like 6ish . Shopping for dads birthday present on Amazon. Hopefully I got it right I ended up decideing to get him a milkshake maker althou I dont know how to make milkshakes or whats best I strated to read reviews and prices and anyhow for around 50bucks got some sorta blender thing that does say shake so sorta looks like a nutrabiullet thing and I got a insulated cup and milkshake straw . Since He's had all the dental problems and always getting milkshakes out I hope this is useful now and they are getting a new fridge today so I think it'll all come together his birthday is about 2 weeks away but the gifts should get there tuesday I suggest opening early. It was a loong I think I had autistic moments shopping for something. I went above budget but not above my bank account and I really want to tell them its exspenive or ask if they needed one but I need to be a humble giver so I havnt said what it is just to open it if you want bc I hope its practical. TOday is suppsosed to be moving day for eCarri Hope the C monster moves we will see. Im trying not to be too hopeful. I"m uncertian of our future but we dont have to live together to be happy I know people like her usually dont just let go wheather theres a move or not I'm still anxious had dreams with her in it last night I dont remvert them now but it was not a good thing. I havnt met her or really seen her other than researching her online I breifly saw her one day from the car as well. So maybe witchcraft or possibly just a thing of my mind. I had bad hurtburn last night was disappointed bc I didnt do anything intentoal to trigger it I didnt drink and I didnt nessarly overeat yesterday. My urnie is telling me I'm dehyrdated. So

moving on today's question. This is tramatizing.. I dont even wanna go there but lets do it if helps me grow.. The question is what bought me joy as a child. This is going to require focus bc I have so many rabbit trails to jump on. As a child I thinkk I liked aquaruims and fish tanks. I liked visting the aquaruim and dads fish. I had a lot of joy hanging out with thi girl lauren yGesk was her name. In my young years I guess I like noodle soup and candy. In my grade school years at age 10 when we got the new house my friend sarah nRichardso and I hung out a lot. We had hamburgers and went throu the woods and stuff. I also have liked going out for food in general. Ive always found joy in being in authority and having some sorta control (althou I really had little ) so like picking up the kindergardens to go the bus or being a safey moniter type thing. I mean those were all short lived expiernces but I liked to be important. I dont know that I have much to say for my middle school years or high school years. Not much I enjoyed playing like the SIMS of course Mario and Sonic we briefly had an atari. This is tough about what brought me joy again not much joy has ever been in my life. I always like games like scrabble monolply and so on. Always enjoyed being the hero but in actualtly I wasnt much it was all shams and schemes. I always had a lot of joy being included or invited to things long as I was able to go that was far and few between also. Clothes were a big deal in my high school years I enjoyed comments on my clothes I was unique.. now I know I was tack and inappopitate and stupid but man I would get exitected about clothes shopping. I enjoyed poeple I could help teach and like help them work throu issues usaully an outcast or 2 but i liked also talking to other students acamemicly. Alrighty well I'm gonna go I think that gives some insight and things to think about.
Today I'll probaly watch truth unedited we will see what happens with the boyfriend and the move. I might take a bath later. Its saturday so I kinda like to take a shot at having a sabath but I'm so far gone but theres not gonna be chores today so sorta sabath.


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