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2021-04-29 12:30:39 (UTC)

I love mornings like this. ..

I love mornings like this. Cool and comfortable having just rained; the sky still gray making the grass and trees appear greener. Just lovely. I listened to classic, acoustic rock songs the entire way on the bus to work.

They're planning for a new, experimental procedure at my job. I cringe because that will only make my job harder trying to get insurance companies to approve such things. But its not happening yet so I'll let that stress wash over and away for now.

Had a dream that I was misdiagnosed. They were telling me that I really had multiple personality disorder instead of bipolar disorder. In real life I actually do have bipolar 2. I'm confident that the diagnosis is correct because I lived it. Though I have been stable and largely unsymptomatic on meds for years, I can still feel that huge emotional surge when someone makes me very angry or if I happen to get very anxious. Too little medication and it feels much like how I was in the early days with an incredible degree of insomnia and nothing and I mean nothing but a medically induced coma could make me sleep. I think the dream is more about trauma. I think that it was a factor in developing in the way that I did.

Anyway, I live with it all pretty well nowadays. Its interesting how dreams are like echos that resonate on and on and on about things in the distant past.

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