If I die today
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2021-04-28 09:52:33 (UTC)

awake just before naptime

Oh Goodness where to start I'm just now getting into the day finished my stretching I fell asleep shortly after 9 with 3 three mg melation and 1 small vodka and cranberry just the last drops of the bottle around 7ish. yesterday I opened my ground coffee and its choclate. It says french roast but I didnt read the choclate part so my moth was hurtin and well I had to throw out a whole can (bag) of coffee sinc eI'm allergic to coffe. Instantly after maybe even before the end of the vodka and cranberyy yesterday evening my liver I'm pretty sure its my liver that hurts its the righ upper medial area. I dont think my liver is well my habbits are awful and wicked and evil. Other events the neighbors started banging and thumping around upstairs shortly after 4pm this went on till after 7 but around 5-6ish I was hearing screams. blood curtlingbut there was a child outside and I know the lady behind me has grandkids so I can swear to I know what was going on up there. I didnt call 911 or anything bc its useless and last time I tried to get her help they told the police she was just asleep on the couch and nothing was wrong. so what can ya do I need to be really sure. I walked toward circle k but the figured hell crossing the road isnt practical I was gonna go to target but I became unmotivated to by myself a drink so didnt make it I turned around and came back home and finished the final drops of vodka. They are putting in sidewalks now on that main road so its confusing bc it was past constrution hours but the cones were up and the sidewalk is literally there now but I wasnt sure about using it well after my near death expiernces I did notice a straggler or 2 that was using the ssidewalk I think I can actually use it off construction hours and avoid walking on the highway and of course 1 person 1 vehchile whistled at me in my walk and I gave em the finger which I need to chill. OMG traffic and cars and vechiles get my goat I need to work on that althou they were personnaly oofeending but overall I hate cars and vachiles on the same road or place where I am walking. yesterday dinner I added bone broth to the preivos dinner mixed it all up so I have 2days of soup now. califlour carrots lima beans corn and chicken tenders. I have increased calories already today but no my shin isnt ready to run the left shin still has some discomfort in the stretching so not pushing it but I will get outside time bc thats healthy. I When waking up the first thing on my mind was nDea thinking of him I wanted him more than coffee. I was being a perv hahs that was about 730ish when I was decideing to get up after I had awaken at 4ish and 5sh then 7 but just layed there. I'm sooo slow today. I'm still pissed and offended by the C monster. I understand thou he is brainwashed and its lieteraly her and poeple like her. Ok anyhow I found a new youtuber I think I like its a cardiologies.. "a biblecal prescribtion for life" Mind you there maybe typos but I already sent my video that I like today to understanding people ndea aLaur (sister) mom , yLindse and eMichell. TOday I wil go with yLindse to run errands I think Ill see if we can do next week too picking up my meds from the pharacy and mail. Anyhow so yesterday in telehealth ok first thing is appartnely telehealth is some sorta video oh hell now I'm not doing that so I got a phone call on my house phone. SEcond they ask automacily about your jab. Then the docotor asked about the jab. I have no courage so I told her theres not enough info out there on them and I'm just not comfortable and then I said well I dont go anwhere or do anything. She said with my health concerns Id really need it. so check this out I'm healhty now healtheir than Id ever been and I think I'm okay while I have to have this pewny profile for disability which is stupid since I'm automaticly in for my low IQ. I'm strong now thou and I think I'm healthier than an average amercian to be honest but I could br wrong. Then her voice shifted and well she said oh so lets plan on a physcial next fall. I think about "im about to loose my docotor bc my rebillion but I could be wrong an lossing my docotor means well I need some help sustatingin disabilities and bc I'm or was a nut not a doctor in town wants to deal with me. so something to think about gotta talk to nDea and tell hime serisouldy if we are having a future together he needs to know I'm not planning on selling my soul or surrendering my freedoms and digeintly. Althou I'm not planning on it realistically IDK what I'll do so guess we will see. Noone is really who they say there my doc says she has been doing reasearch and at this point mederana is reccommned for me but she said avaiod j/j and then went on to say any was fine and millions of people safely have gotten it already. I cant I'm not convinced thou. The whole fetal parts thing concerns me too and the fact these are something that olny last months why why should I do this to myself. I seem to enjoy poisioning and abusing myself but at least I do that with freedom. The whole forcing thing is bullshit. Theres an eposide waaay back in Andy griffith way back then all this was going on the nurse is all concerned about this one guy not being up to date on his shots and the sheriff goes to help her get him they sheriffs get shot at but it ends happily ever after with the nurse giving him the shot by his own willing choice after they reason it out. well its 1115 I have yLindse this afternoon and I need daylight food not sure when the shower but I usually nap about 1. I havnt done chores but I"m kinda accepting that I dont have it in me to do much chores wise today.

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