If I die today
This moring I woke up a bit after 4 by 430 I was starting coffee. Last night to my suprise I didnt need flexeril for the shin I think I'm healing. Today at 10 is my telehealth for well my boyfriends scabies blahah since he is reinfected and his docs keep saying everyone get treated I made this appointment to see if I need something. I'm not convinved I have a problem but meh I could be wrong also I wonder since you can have symptoms for months if he is getting misdiagnoised. He did say aloe vera was helping him. And I think I 've noted before eCarri refuses to get treated so we are not planning our treatments till she leaves on the first so we will both have our prescribitions ready and be able to do that together on schedule so we know we're clear. I have my opionions about healthcare thou and the system.. Althou the things that have my attention right now in texting my sister she serisoulsy commented about how she HOPES God's foriven her. She thinks we are in hell she doesnt wanna go to hell. Okay so Here;s the thing (this is me) Gods love is unconditional the way to hell -- a real place for your enteral diestion of your SOUL is to refuse his forgiveness. You can refuse his forgivenes and choose false God's or idols or put your belief in something otehr than him even its your own self. Everyone worships something weather we know it our not we all have our hope and faith in something if that is not Him then well yeah your going to enteral damantion. Its a choice to accept or reject him and if you truly accpet him the works will follow. Choosing to accept his forgivness causes a physcial responce your ways and will will start to change in a way that honors him for what he's done and is doing. If your just wanting the ticket to heaven and avioding hell thats not about HIm its about you and is selfish-- which is something I struglle with myself. Being caught up like that isnt faith you must believe he has offered you eteranal life and you accept it. When you repent and your works change you will not be perfect here on earth. You will thou be in the game you will be a vessel and tool for his use walking with him you will have a new purpose and grace for a reason. The second thing thats beenn on my mind for 2 days is thinking of these feel good bobble heads like joel osteen or hillsong. Okay so the thing is the MEGA church. Why is theere sooo many people for HIM on TV masses and masses gathered how is that why is the world in this condition if sooo many are for HIM? I"m confused Im struglling to believe theres more than a thousand followers of him total. I'm not sure thou I'm not the judge of the heart and to be be reall look at the systems GOd used to draw me in I started in a poplar Church He came to me there. God will use what he will . Also the hypocsirity of me sitting here doing nothing and really if you look at me yeah I'm a uselss solider rollover defeated Im close to the wrong team. I"m fighting for some weird boyfriend I love while I'm married legally still screwing him and he is with another woman in some way connected still too. and then theres self supression I'm not dumb enough to self suffocate but look at my ithch for vodka or maybe wine and what about the whole weed thing . And forced sleep I wanna be sedated head in the ground. I'm pissed thou angry at the schemes of evil and I will hang around for the next 90years in my missory just bc I suppose someone wants me to die like yesterday. Oh healthwise.. I did get a little low on fuel this morning in my usuall 22min classical stretch it was for cardio and weight loss this morning I ate an apple and coffee around 5 for the 6workout but yesterday I had an apple then homemade mac n cheese I made with noodles, cheeder, chicken broth, butternut squash , milk and butter. Then for dinner I had 3 over cooked chicken tenders that I threw seasme oil on with that was califlour rice. lima beans. carrots and corn I cooked as well. I'm undereating for no purpose so I've gotta redefine what I'm doing bc thats insanity. I just ate a yogurt thou. Im watching fullerton informer 2 now on youtube catchin up on things. Theres not much else I have to share right now in this writing . If I die today well that would be defeat.