If I die today
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2021-04-21 05:42:26 (UTC)

period of complaints

Been awake since a little after 4am I'm fed, stretched had vitimains maybe feeling ready to go not eager about chores but have plenty of time for that before my run. I don;t know if I' have my period or something. Had pelvic cramps yesterday. I've been gassy but thats normal nothing unusual about the poo I also ended up getting a headache last night again as well I took pamprin at about 7 when I found out nDea was going to visit then I had one 3mg quick dissolve melation just cause ok this is dum but I'm annoyed theres a red mole on my back now too IDK if its been there forever or if it just got there . I' not sure of melationis effects on the skin I might start trying it more I think for skin purposes its supposed to be topical thou. Oh and I'm producing something from my nips if they're milked its not constant. Yeah I know I'm gross. I have a lot of pressure in the pelvic area and spartic cramps. Anyhow I slept from just after 9 till about 4. No sex yesterday but I think it's gonna happen soon so after my run I'll start another dose of pamprin I'm not sure if I want to go get a drink today or not . No news on the landlord nothing new I didnt encounter the manger at all yesterday so I suppose I can relax. My dialaride transit application is due to be renewed so I am going to have nDea take me to the doc to drop it off and I told yLinse not to take me today I told her yesterday I can run errands when we takee my papers in. i'm kinda wanting to drink or have that on hand in a more fincialy responable way then the bar I'm worried about my nDea time next week bc IDK how crazy its gonna be if she is supposed to move on the first I bet he will have other obligations than me so IDK what to do other than wait it out. SO he told me yesterday he had his cash out to pay his mehcanic and she made a comment oh wow thats a lot of money. He said I wonder how much she helped herself too then he went on to exspalin she's not a thief ya know this is diffrent. so I was like yea she just a psychopath that all. IDk I am very hard hearted towards her and at this point I cant see really cleary. I honestly think she's abusive and maybe a narsicst and the whole thing where she grabs his balls and she says oh I'm just gonna mull you in front of her I mean my god come on if a man behaved like that its freakin criminal . I think nDea trapped by his own guilt he made one mistake 25years ago and has been suffering for it ever since. Althou I would never suggest his daughter was a bad thing its jsut eCarri is nuts and wicked if you ask me but I dont think anyones asking me thank goodness for that. Ok so anyhow back on me I'm freakky and weird I know it but I do take boric acid capsuals they're supposirties for women so I wonder if taking 2 days in a row gave me these cramps I usually do about one a week to keep away yeast and infection and if I'm not having any concern I dont do it but if I'm drinking or full of sugar I'll be preventive. I got my heating pad out to help treat cramps today also. Guess we will seee. My diets ok so some people may call it a joke as of late bc its been mostly fresh and homemade and i've been cutting off food close to 5pm usually about 4 I"ll heat up dinner which this week has been that homemade chicken soup I made it's chicken, seasonings, broth, spincach, carrots and califour rice. I used an onionm for flavor but removed it after cooking. I made that monday today or tommorow should be the last day on that for dinner. I have some ideas for lunch so we'll see how that turns out I'm gonna have a bannana after I run maybe a snack in an hour or so . Today I've had beets, Fage yogurt cup with strawberry and almond butter and jelly with butter on 2 rice cakes and I'm working on the 32oz french pressed coffee. My mom called yesterday that was a suprise its good thou she was taking a walk I think when the weathers better shes more motivated so the walk is a good thing I find her diffrent when she gets out. I am gald to be back in touch with eMichell IDK what to make of it all but she's a sweet lady God has in my life and she does the best she can . I know she's faithful and she lives with purpose and grace. IDK how she does it. I've been thinking of eAnn I need to get back in touch with her again try to see if we cant connect. I'm not sure what the purpose is in my life but Ijust am not feeling like I'm making a diffrence in this world and I don think Gods gonna protect us outside his will why would he protect you and preserve you to be outside of him thats lame. he provides according to his will. A glimpse of purpose yesterday was that while I was running walking back a family of 3 adults had an older man walking a tiny little dog likely a pup the dog was behind them and kpet getting in the grass and stuff which is what dogs do but started to hop like then they kept going the same thing but with 2 paws so I yelled from behind them I think your dog stepped on a sticker he's hopping and the lady went to the dog and started to help him. I'm glad I said something but I need to be more couragous to speak sonner. She thanked me for telling them. SO I think I really am interested in health and fitness and should work on focusing on learning more and doing more with that some how at least if it interest me maybe get more knowledge somehow. I'm not that displined but I need to try . I need to do something with this life while I have it . I also gotta stop freakin assualting my body bc I have a feeling or bc the world sucks. I gotta stop helping the world push me out I need to resist gotta get another 90years out this body despite destruction lurking at every corner. And last note so yesterday must have benn 420 guess what I didnt' do it. Progress a better choice and resistance althou I wasnt offered anything I didnt try to seek it out either. I thought about asking for some pain but then I was like meh I'll be okay. I didnt realise it was 420 till I saw todays date anyway. That about all there is to say today

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