A failed prototype
I feel hopeless about future and career
I really really love games and I want to work as a game designer.
I tried to apply for the summer internship in a big game company in my city, but I failed. This company launched a new otome game(target users are female) and I am playing it. Mostly I am an expert in otome games so I wrote on my cv that I played a lot and I said if possible, I could work there.
Later, about 1 month, they started to have an online face-to-face interviews, and I was lucky to have a chance. I joined it, and the first interviewee was a female young lady who works in game marketing, she didn't like me or my cv or my ideas about the game. She said that I should not work in the otome game department, I was shocked by that but I didn't show it on my face. She didn't turn on the camera I felt a bit unhappy though.
Later, another 2 male game designers tested me about games and questions. I answered but they were not interested in the games I played so they just asked about half of the due interview time and said goodbye. One said I should reconsider the career in the game industry because I am an engineering student and he thought that I should work in my major later and devoted to the country(crazy and I was not happy by instructed by a stranger)
I am depressed later for a week and crying about why people just speak ill of my dreams. I felt hopeless about my major and my future. It is so dark and I just don't want to do that later. I hate my major just because it is placement, not my choice.
I felt unsure about if I like a game designer or not. I started to doubt my dream because I am so low in self-confidence and self-esteem, I started to have a big crush down and cry.
Life is hopeless and I don't have a compass.
I talked to my discord friend in Portuguese. He was suicidal once but I am happy he didn't succeed in killing himself, we both are in bad condition and we have a bad life. We are unemployed and hopeless about future or career. I felt happy a bit as he accompanied me.
Thank you my friend in Portuguese. Now I made my mind that I will change my career later when I graduate. I want to do something else as long as it is not my major job.
If I failed again in this, suicide is doomed. I really want to leave this loop. and I wish I could do something else, free.
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