McEntries

This Is It - 2021
2021-04-15 00:00:00 (UTC)

Bad Dreams, Better Drive

Diem,

(Okay, actually posting THIS one on time, at least)

Turns out, didn't get to sleep in today, even though I wanted to. My brain had other plans. So, a side-effect of my anti-anxiety/depression meds is that they - very ironically - cause an increase in nightmares/upsetting dreams. I guess it's because whatever they do just increases the VIVIDNESS of your dreams, but your dreams are drawn out from your thoughts and if you're on those meds you're having anxious/upsetting thoughts so. Nightmares. Anyway, this is relevant here because EVERY. DREAM. I had last night was some form of upsetting.

Not going to get into them really here, because thinking about the first one still really upsets me, I'll just say they involved a lot of my sister and the very real (in the dreams) possibility of dying. And that the first one did make me get up to change my shirt because I'd sweated through the shirt I'd originally been wearing. How fun. Didn't used to do that before meds. However, I DID regularly have panic attacks and dissociation spells that would last for entire days so. You lose some bad, you gain some new bad.

Oh, but in not-bad news, I finally got my car back! I missed my little fast car. Jeeps look cool, I guess, but they are NOT my style. My car stil desperately needs to be cleaned out, but at least she's back home - with four new, non-exploded tires!

I need to go to sleep. Might be surprising here, but my sleep last night was not particularly *restful*

I'm in me own car, vroom vroom
--M


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