Diary book

Steph
2021-04-15 20:49:13 (UTC)

Today has been a rough day I ..

Today has been a rough day I had a talk with my diation today about my feed , she wanted to speed up my feed and change my feed to a new feed but I'm not ready for it to become faster , I agreed to to the news feed wich will start at 6 tomorrow morning I'm so so nervouse about that . Its been rough being stuck in my bedroom all the time I feel like all I do is sleep and watch Netflix , I have no motervation to do my direys or my collering r any type of art things , witch last time I was hear I did , I'm under a lot of pressure to get of the feed otherwise I wont be able to see my parents or boyfriend .

I had a bad turn today the thoughts became to strong I felt so guilty for having a drink so I self distrucked , I didn't feel ashamed or bad after I felt a relefe.

I had my 1st pherapy session today witch was good to talk to someone about how I'm feeling , its hard teling the truth about how much I'm struggling but I did it witch I'm pretty proud of myself for .

I see everyone aorud me inproving and doing so so well and I'm super proud of them but it also makes me feel rubbish like why ant I inprove like them ?
Why cant I just eat some food or even drink a drink without feeling guilty .

My throught hurts from not drinking enough flewid and having the tube, I wish it was as easy to just pick up a drink and drink it but its just not its so hard , I dread having my patasiam drink because I no I really really have to drink them . witch really dose freek me out , I need to try and distract myself after having a drink rather than listen to the bad thoughts , But I feel like the bad thoughts are incontrole of me , I feel like I have to listen to them , Its just a dayley struggle I just want it all to stop now .





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