Solitary Reaper

Empty From Inside
2021-04-15 06:45:34 (UTC)


Its like I'm repeating the same mistake again, I clearly thought about leaving you alone and never to see you again. I erased every bit of you memories from my life. But yet you came back to me and now everything is above the surface again. I hate it, i hate it i hate seeing myself change. I'm scared that you will not accept me as I changed and will eventually leave me. I never asked for something more than one if someone says no to it. I leaned that somethings are just not in my fate that I can never have them. But when it comes to you I become greedy, I wanted more, I wanted all of you only to myself. I got scared seeing myself like that. I'm afraid you will see that ugly part of me someday and will leave me. I know I'm supposed to say all this at your face but I don't have the courage to say it all. I always been true to you, don't know why I can never lie in front of you, nor that I want to do that. I want you to know every dark secret of my life but I'm afraid you will not accept me after that and the very thought of you rejecting me kills me 100 times a second.
You hugged me, held me close to your body, calling my name, I almost hugged you back but I pulled my hands back because I knew I will harm you if I grabbed you back. I would rather pull my own hairs than to hurt you like that. I'm afraid I will hurt you, dissappoint you and I never want to do that. I want you to see me as a perfect normal girl, I'm afraid to show you my ugly side of nature. I want to love you but this fear will never let me go and do it.