The dead dreamer

Life of a dead girl in a dream
2021-04-14 21:54:01 (UTC)

Marrying my cousin?

Just the other day I saw a message from my cousin brother. He's the son of my dad's younger sister.
I didn't read his msg. I didn't feel like reading it.
I've lived my entire life out of my hometown, because my parents move around a lot. My parents always kept some distance from our relatives. That's why I never met any of my relatives for the first 15 years of my existence.
When I turned 15, i went to my hometown for the first time. I met my cousins from my mother's side. That's an entire diff. Entry I might write. Lets come back to this cousin bro.

He's married now and has a kid. But I still can't digest the thought that my family wanted us to get married...
Ew.
I still remember the shock I felt that day when I learned my parents actually wanted me to get married to my own damn cousin!
I met him when I was like 18 for the first time... And it's on that first meeting that I learned this marriage stuff that they decided long ago when I was born.
Initially, I thought they were joking around, till they showed me some documents they've prepared...
I actually felt like I'm in some kindof shitty soap opera.
Whatever. I ran away and escaped in the name of "college education."
They kept telling me he's a good man for me, gotta good job, good looking, he likes you and shit but nope. I ran away. To live in a dorm.

Thankfully... Within a year or so after I moved, he got married to someone else. I attended his marriage. And I was glad I'm out of this shit now.
Just within six months or so after marriage(when his wife was pregnant), he started to msg me of how much he "liked" me, that I should have married him. He also sent some Inappropriate sexual stuff that I don't wanna remember.
But there's one line that I can never forget. Its - "you belonged with me". (i know wat you thinking, it's not that Taylor swift song. He literally wrote that msg.)
I don't belong to anyone- that's what I believe. But his msg made me rethink my entire existence for a moment.
I realized he's not the good man like my parents and uncles & aunts said he was. I kept debating if I should tell this to my parents and those aunts /uncles...

In the end I didn't. Instead I informed his sister (she's a cool person, 3yr older than me) about his msgs and she took care of it without making a family drama outta it.

I wonder if I made the right decision?
I mean... I can't imagine telling his preg wife that he's trying to flirt with his cousin behind her back... And I definitely can't imagine the consequences if they turn around and blame me for ruining family reputation (which I know they will).

To this day my parents tell me how good of a man that cousin of mine is...




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