If I die today
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2021-04-14 06:37:21 (UTC)


Theres a verse Matthew 6:33 it says seek first the kingdom of heaven and His righteouness and all these things will be added to you. SO this is what I forgot to mention yesterday ok so the day I went to Circle K and was buying 2 white claws bc I saved 60some cents.. smh so it was 2 for 4 and then I grabbed a bag of chips as well my total was 6.33. It jumps out at me bc the veres had had signifinat meaning in life in recent years. I saw that on the day that well I hired that atty and it was the day after the news came the eCarri is moving out the edn of this month. Anyhow what do you make of that? maybe my subcounsioc calcuted the purchase cost I'm not that smart but maybe somewhere within me is. Maybe i'm on the right trackk highly unlikely or maybe its a reminder chance to turn around do something diffrent. I feel like getting lefally free is so important for my consiouns sake. I dont even know since nDea doesnt have any real connection the LORD even if we got married my heart would be pure but maybe I still screwed up. He's an amazing man thou noone has ever been this good to me. but we do have bad habbits together.. that arent alaways drawing me back to GOD. so thats that. Okay today coffee date with eMichell about 12noonish. I've been up since 2 then slept back till 445 so I've ate stretched light workout and showered soon chores to begin not sure what I wanna do for chores bc I dont wnna have weird stuff around or be doing something thats totaly a failure if I'm gonna have company. So anyhow laxt night around 630 nDea asked if it was too late for coffee and no no its not with him him and the dog visisted till gosh I wanna say almost 9 we took the dog to the park first before coming back. It wasnt a sex thing theres no sex there coulda been but just wasnt on the adgenda I took 3 3mg quick dissolve melations after he left and I was asleep a little after 10. not feeling to tired I mean i didnt wanna get up but who does . I heard from aJessic yesterday she seems ok . She breifly texted her youngest daughter is getting married shes not invited IDK whats up but sound a little sad. I didnt pry thou. I asked if she was getting pics and she hopes so. I got totally overwhelmed yesterday cleaning the pantry type thing in the dining room. IDK I feel so overwwhelmed and stupid and I dont want to spend extra money specially since i really dont know how this divorce is gonna go down. I gotta be pinchin pennies as much as I'd love to do what I do I think if I can be careful and pay this fee all off myself that itll be best to not have to take a dime or ask for one from anyone but I'm soo tempted. but I got myself in this mess I'm gettin out long as I stay strong and not greedy and start beggin or advertising to the whole world I'm paying 325an hour for this att and 150an hour for his assistant. I have the 1500 down ibut I'm exspecting ill be getting more bills soon. Still havnt heard back from them since Monday so I suppose by the end of the week I should call and ask if they needed anything from me but every contact is likely a charge so I need to be not to needy and dam I'm needy and this is exciting to me so I"m all wanting to be on top of it all. well I think this is a wrpa for today not too much is new if I pass which well i'm not gonna do bc I freagin hate this world so much I wanna screw it by livin to 125 so the world might as well get used to me

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