👁️ Bandersnatch 👁️
Through the Looking-Glass
Batshit Crazy Dribble
Despite us planning on not chatting tonight as I was doing my designs, we still spoke (for three hours) while I was putting my designs together. I had a tough day. My best friend called me and projected her batshit crazy psycho down the phone AT me, pointing her attention to me, my guy and our new beginning, trying to instil and encourage me to mistrust him and generally man-hating all round, all because she wanted to let off steam about her partner. It was unexpected and confused me greatly. I've known her nine years, and she has let off smoke before but not on this scale, and to project her fears and insecurities about men onto me and my new relationship was not on.
My guy has not done a thing to warrant such bullish verbal moral attacks whom she has never met. Our relationship has been going smoothly, albeit with my over-analysing of my emotions. I'm pretty sure he would have a field day with her, though, with his acute body language expertise and psychology degree. Now that would be entertaining for me. I will look forward to that day. He knows all about my friend; he also knows I love her, and tonight, when I felt a part of me died with her brutal outbursts (that I took on the chin), I thought I lost the friend I used to know. Because I realised my happiness made her feel insecure, and it triggered her rage and mountains of insecurities to be projected onto me, and I felt ripped apart.
My guy was terrific; we talked it through. He was unaffected by the things she interpreted as the truth about him (with no facts to back them up). He helped me find calm again and discussed how to handle this going forward without us losing our friendship, despite her being utterly delusional and having a meltdown. Both my guy and I understand the real reasons it happened, so he talked it through with me, and we worked out a plan to help her and make it clear she cannot do that again.
He also helped me see that my diary entries are like a wave in a pattern since I wrote about him and me. I tend to write excitable entries of our coming together and then affectionate, emotional entries after spending time together and then singular mindset entries a day or so after we are not together. Much like I am procrastinating and trying to protect my safety, a sense of fear of letting go completely. Then I realised my entries are not decisive decisions or founded emotions; my entries are simply a process of me adjusting and learning my way forward into a new world of sharing it with my guy.
He understands this and takes it all in his stride. He knows safety is my number one source I need and feel strongly about protecting. That when I feel secure in a situation, someone, circumstance, I am much more receptive, and until that time, I am on guard. He effortlessly continues to be steadfast and unassuming, non-judgemental and enjoys my quirkiness. He thinks it's cute. Lol; nut job.
He had a bit of a tough day yesterday but didn't bother me with it, but we talked about it tonight; I think he made a good decision with what he dealt with, and I like the way he thinks and approaches situations. He is emotionally mature and manages situations very well, and it's uber-sexy. I liked how I could bring up the 'little things that triggered me over the weekend, and we resolved that too, finding a way forward so we could harmonise our togetherness.
I wouldn't have slept well tonight from my friend's rage whirling around in my mind if it wasn't for my guy. Now, I am calm and will sleep soundly. Massive tick! Thanks, babe xxx