If I die today
is it good?
Slept from a little after 9 to between 550 and 6 so still needing extra ZZZ's .. hmmm . My brain wont shut off so many thoughts so anxious. I already stretched and ate and at 830 gotta try to start some chores so I can run since the winds below 10mph. My appointment is at 3 but I'll wanna shower and probaly a nap. I'm nervious about the appointment I got my papers filled out the best I can but most of its irrevelant as theres no children, no dept other than the apartment that I know of. I know nothing about this clown so have no way to say his income, job,or houseing/house mates. Anyhow it was also hard to get images onto my laptop at a readable angle so I'm gong to call and see if they want toreschedule if they cant read it. Ok so yesterday no date but get this nDea had a great time at the fmaily cookout. I accomplished the bleaching I wanted too cant say too much for other chores or porductivity. so nDea says his daughter will be gettinginto a 4 bed rental home next month just a few weeks so he's all excited and ready to roll to get rid of eCarri but I'm not sure how high I should have hopes on this. Im hvaing trouble beliveing its all good and done. But maybe right. and maybe just maybe this attorney can come thru for me. I'm almost ready to give up its overwhelming. I cant calm down I'm anxious. oh I did not drink yesterday I went on a 2 hour walk I turned around at the nature trail olny bc i had to pee and wasnt sure how far I was from the golf course so I pee'd in thee nature trail woods it was creepy I was mostly concerned about deer I didnt see any or any animails but I know their there. And eMichell texted me yesterday just getttin in touch so we have a coffee date Wendsday :P That will be great Its been a loong time I think and I dont think I've seen here since nDea so musta been since January and coffee is safe and good. on to odd things and complaints yesterday the same man that was bothering me and fClif a few weeks ago nDea saw him leave. Hes back and IDK where he came from but somewhere out back of the middle building while I was going to the dumpster and he was like doing the creppy stare down-check out type look but then went upstairs of the middle building soo IDK what to make of that but I cant claim its a threat just odd. Ideally I would like to be win nDea in our own home and Id want to get a new bed with him. IM not sure whats gonna happen but I think he's plannin on having me to the trailer for sleepovers once C is out. Is she really gonna be out thou is it okay for me to hope and believe that this is real. I'm okay with being at the trailer but were likely to get attached to sleeping together and I' would need a bigger place personally even if it's a 1bed or like I could live withhim in an apartment the size of mine. Well I guess I can start the day hopefully my brain will calm down. ITs possible I might try to rope nDea into taking me to get a drink for me tonight I don't exspect him to drink or think thats the best idea but I need to chill I'm freakin nuts.
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