I’m at my shitty but well paid job as I’m writing this, I recently started this job. I work at a corona station where we test people for free. My job is it to register them into the system and send out the test results. It’s a really cold day even though we’re in April. I stayed over at my sister’s place for almost two weeks but then I had a breakdown and my mom, dad and little brother came over to my sister’s place and stayed with me the entire night while I was shaking and crying and having a panic attack that just wouldn’t stop. After a while of horrible suffering they decided to bring me to the mental hospital where I spent a day and talked to a doctor. I told him how scared I was of the night and that I can’t live like this anymore and that it’s too much pain. I told him how nothing makes sense and that I can’t understand how normal people function and what they do in a day. I don’t understand how people can just go to work and hang out with their friends in their free time, it just seems so pointless to me. The money seems pointless meeting friends or doing anything at all seems so pointless. The doctor sent me back home because the hospital was too full and she told me to get in contact with my psychiatrist as soon as I can. I have an appointment with my psychiatrist very soon and I’ll have to do many psychological tests. I haven’t really been eating or drinking anything for a week now, my legs and arms hurt and I can barely use them. My dad drives and also picks me up from work. Life has been pretty tough. Everyday I just lay in bed and have strong panic attacks, then I take 4 sleeping pills and wait till I pass out. Thank god my little brother is staying in my room for now and is taking care of me. He holds my hair while I puke.
That’s all I have to say for now, I hope I’ll be back with better news.