Street_smart

Experienced Life
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2021-04-07 02:26:14 (UTC)

Happy but I wonder if something is wrong with me? 🤔

Ok, more late night self assessments again. Probably the worse time to be doing this. Usually, this is when the devil is dancing around in your head. hehe. Jk. I just meant this is when you have way too much time to overthink things. So the thought of being happy is the subject for tonight. I only have this time because a series I was watching on Netflix finished so now I have a little bit more time before going to be but not enough time to sart up a new series.

Anyway, I'm thinking about why I am happy. I mean I am alone in this house. No more sitting on the sofa eating high fat popcorn snuggling up. That would be cool. No one to hold hands with or putting my arms around while watching TV. No one is across the dinner table while I'm having dinner or my morning coffee. No one to talk to here at home face to face. Even the cat died last year so I don't even get to do that anymore. Yet, I go to bed feeling that I accomplished a lot most days. I wake up feeling good and with a smile even though no one makes me coffee anymore in the morning. I mean I've done a lot of self help stuff to make my mind be in a better place but I didn't think it'd be this good.

Am I just settlings? Did I just give up on humanity and living now like a monk but with TV and a laptop to surf the net? Pfffft!! I dunno. I do have my system and it's pretty much running on automatic now. I don't need to look at my list of how to be happy or anything anymore. I may need to refresh my bullet points from time to time but I'm actually doing pretty good.

My world does open up so although I'm like a hermit at home, once I'm out, I am out there enjoying life. Sort of like a part time introvert. By the way, when I type "hermit" I still to this day hesitate and watch how I type that because I still get hermit and kermit (the frog) confused at times. hehe. That's what I get for learning English in Hawaii. Worse slang ever for the English language.

Anyway, I sometimes wonder if I'm this calm and mellowed out at times is because I may have just given up on certain things in life? Did I give up on being with someone special perhaps? Did I possibly think dating and finding romance nowadays is too weird or maybe my goals are no longer so hungry for that anymore? I dunno. Maybe I changed? I mean I do like the quiet nights at home. Never gonna hear me screaming at night yelling or fighting because it's a drama free home. I have so many cases of wine, it seems like I'll never run out of it and as far as coffee? I have a stash of those too that will last through a couple zombie apocalypses.

So while life isn't perfect and no where close to a wholesome American family type of scenario, I do love my life and lifestyle. It's already Wednesday. The week is flying by once again. The weekend is almost here. My friends rented out an entire session at the movie theater again. It's for this Friday and the movie is called "Hairspray". Uh.. yeah, I think I'll pass on this one.

I haven't checked with my friends yet on what else we'll be doing. I guess I should try to stay home and not spend money because I have that mod for my truck happening at the end of next month. Can't forget my rent is raised starting in May. Yippee!!! Not!!

I guess it's time for bed. Good night diary.


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