If I die today
Yesterday weather was actually ideal for running OMG so the weather had lied it was supposed to be strong winds NBC predicted it and even weather dotcom so I guess whatever I missed a day I was lazy I did do a 10min indoor cardio before chores and fartin aroung bc I planned on bad weatehr and I did 2laps around the apartments but thats like maybe 10min of outdoor walk. The wind never happened. I have bad reflux.. but I had coffee at 630 well alittle after that wtih nDea so I think thats on the late side and I did my americano medium extra shot as my usual order when we do out for coffee so it was jsut much later than the usual 4ish trip. I think I have a date tonight too. nDea suprises me a lot IDK what he's thinking I had not planned on him at all yesterday and I sent him a sad message my neighbor is trying to rehome her senior sick (heart condtion) chawawa dog . The lady is older and cant really care for him the dogs even in diapers too. Its kinda sad but anyhow it went from that text at like 6 to do you want coffee or is it too late so I remebered last time he offered me coffee I didnt want he thought I was saying no to his time so of course I was in for the coffee I was planning on a 630 shoer it was like 6 we were texting so I told him I can be ready by 630 since he suprised me and Iw anted to shower first so yeah it was like close to 7p coffee. but I got neasuase after he lft. I think its dietery thou so I made my chicken/taco burtio things for lunch it was more burito than taco . Also for dinner I finished off chicken wings the brussel sprouts and instant mashed potaoes the instant potatoes could be an aggravaint I suspect. I'm a little confused I'm not sure if he was looking for sex or what yesterday but there was no sex at first he said he wasnt gonna come in after coffee then when we got here he said oh I guess I can come in. IDK whatever we just snuggled and talked. I couldnt figure that out. I didnt offer any sex thou. I dont want to pressure him while his back his hurt and also its not my top priorty. so theres that we're 2days dry hah. I think there's a highly likely sex tonight bc we'lll thats pretty much where we just maul each other everyday so this is rare. Im still innerly annoyed about the other woman and I'm just brushing it off I dont wanna care about her and I dont care I should care about what he cares about . When I hear him say ooooh I wish I was with you blah blah blah I wanna be this n that I just shrug exspecially when he walks away from me to go sustain her toodler like need, IF she cannot sustain herself as an adult again theres homes for that. so whatever I just can not believe him when he says he wants more of me and chooses this life at this point he has choosen to be her slave serveant narsicstic vitctim he makes a choice to feed the beast everytime he fans her fire. anyhow end of that rant same old same there. No news for me on the stimulus so I wait. Today is supposedly autism awarness day. I just have to say autsim is a real deal I'm sure the day is just to exsploit something thou I wish I had something to say to help thou assuming there is a cause hope or encourment but I got nothing I feel hopeless helpless drained a lot trying to function and be related too and communicating. I'm overwhelmed a lot but I wish I was diffrent and I wish there was a cure help or hope .