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Ezoic
2021-04-01 19:59:56 (UTC)

Evening

It looks so sad outside. I mean, it’s not as if the darkness is always sad but the dreary view from my window is just depressing. My head hurts—probably from reading almost all day—and I don’t know what to do besides continuing to read.
I can feel that this isn’t the best use of my spring break time but I need my sleep schedule to fix itself and to gain a proper schedule because...
...I don’t remember why I’m doing this anymore. I could’ve sworn I’d made up some reason to improve myself. This memory loss thing is getting out of hand. I know I throw the idea around a lot but I’m really forgetting. I suppose I should’ve written it down :(

Spring break isn’t fun. But it’s better than being in school. I’d rather roll around doing nothing and sometimes be bored rather than have my schedule filled and stress piled on due to work I tend to procrastinate on doing. I honestly don’t even know what I’m doing anymore. I was planning on hibernating tomorrow. Sleeping the day away as I wanted to. But even sleep is boring to me.
What is there for me to do that would actually be fulfilling? Oh yeah. Having someone. But of course, that’s not happening so I guess there’s nothing. Then I’m left to wonder why I’m still here if I get no fulfillment in the end. Wow I sound selfish. I’m supposed to be a blessing to others apparently but I’m probably just a curse so there’s that.
Should I just commit myself to a downward spiral since I know there’s no good ending? Just do whatever I want since none of it matters?
But I’m too tired. I feel so weak that it’s hard to turn over in bed. How am I supposed to get up to do all that psychological manipulation on people when I can’t even get out of bed? This sucks.


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