If I die today
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2021-04-01 07:23:28 (UTC)

over the hump

Its a challange to get some perspective and get a grip on this Im kinda bitter confused and impatient and maybe overreacting inside . Regretfully I"m turning into a monster every day that goes by and this woman makes no effort to live her life as a single hardens my heart more and more towards her. and man Ndea pisses me off he seems to be letting her pull this sh!t off. He thinks he let me down by leaving to have dinner last night bc he was hungry and had to cook. I dont want to take that to the grave im mad bc he made mention of the C monster while he was exsplainging he got bitched out bc poor old lady had to have cereal the night before and its olny food in there that has to be cooked and she doesnt cook. See I believe he was going to appease her but what do I know he keeps sayin he was hungry and knew he had to cook so he had to go. but I think since that had come up in coversation hes totally supporting her someone who is making no effort to take care of themselves and reach out for help but whatever she's layin on him has a grip he has some sorta compassion or guilt or something I'm sorry its been 3months she has made 0arrangements for herself. Im soo done I dont know how to be patient anymore and why he tolartes it but I dont know what I dont know but it sure sounds to me like she's a stright up narosist or social path now I have to continue in my relationship with him but IDK what to do do anymore bc I dont wanna deal with it. as long as shes under the same roof I dont know if i have it in me to love him thru this and support whatever it is he's doing. I'm gonna love him and I dont hink he wants to ditch me at all or be unfaithful but I dont like how he's being treated and I dont see hope for a future as nooones making progress on a new housing situation so I guess I need to focus on me I already asked him for errands friday and monday I cant bakc out I know he has the dentist today so I"m not gonna bug him. I dont want to olny be in touch when I need sometjhing but I'm having trouble bonding and IDK what to do I guess we wait theres no rush and I just need to plan my life as an indepentant. I think he'll come around whane he wants and leaves when he wants but if he really wants to be my man he will. he will make oppruinty and things for us to do. I dont doubt his heart and
m not throwing him away but inside I'm haveing trouble forgiving the C accomadtions so thats why Im upset and I dont think texting is the way to clear the air and its confusing too maybe I'm assuming or averreacting theres no rush for us as it stands im not gong anywhere. In other news the fullerton informer had a post of a reaction to the jab and it was an older man-- and the reaction is awful but in the end this guy closes with oh well Im glad I'm vaccinated. C'mon people. We're a bunch dogs rats meat for the media feeding the beast brainwashed mionions with no backbone. IDK what to do or how to fight either. but I wish I did. NO news yet on my stimulus so thats that as far as my freedom. Well today I'm planning an indoor day just bc wind gust so IDK just have chores to focus on mainly laundry and the bathroom plus im making tacos or maybe a burito i addded the rotel tomatoes garlic, chicken , chilli powder, black beans and cumin into the crock pot so that can turn into some kinda wrap or just over rice. Its a good day to make rice since I'm not runnin I can spend 40min waiting on it so I'll start rice at 11ish
well IDK not much on my mind but defintly dont want that issue unresolved with my love If I die least he will know what bugs me. Imy feelings for him dont change but I ve gotta change my behaviors and jsut espect her needs to be fully met my him indefintly I may never have a home or marriage or life with this man which I can address in like a year but it deserves time and least me geting legally free also so theres that