šŸƒAmanda22Janeā¤

Ghost Writer
2021-04-01 00:37:57 (UTC)

One Need Never Be Too Busy To Write.

That's right. I have been busy living and not busy dying.
It's all or nothing all right.
It's a tough, hard trudge on this road to "Happy Destiny" and I'm among millions of other trudge folk too.

Anxiety is with me almost every single time I leave my front door to walk into the community and get my shit done.
I do it anyway. The fear is lessening and so is the anxiety.

There is a land of promises that I need to travel to so many times over, it becomes easier to find. I don't know how to remain there but one day I will learn to.

We've had several days of good heavy rain. The drought season has broken completely. Brilliant blessing. The farms need the rain. I live in a dairy farm area. A dairy hub region of New Zealand really. Very wealthy cow cockies. Where I grew up was also dairy, but over the years agriculture has taken over. So this is a great blessing to live among the cows and farms.

Still working on my house.šŸ™„šŸ™ƒāœŒ

Still working on myself. šŸ™„šŸ¤ØāœŒ

Still getting pissed off with fuckhead neighbours. They're dirty old men with nothing else to do but be dirty old men and rot the rest of their lives away. I wish they would fuck off and do it somewhere else.
This is a hard road to hoe, acceptance. Fucken hard. I still have killer rage in me, and I'd like to expend some of that rage on a few fuckheads.

Can't do that...I'll go to jail. Won't be able to see my grandkids...or go to a cafe, or sleep in a nice bed, or cook wonderful meals or go to movies, meetings, church, walks in the town gardens, parks and reserves...OR go to the library, listen to music, read the books that I want to...do art whenever I want, take long hot showers.
This is what I have to give up if I take to one of these fuckers with the intent to either hospitalize or kill them.
I do know perfectly the consequences of serious violence towards others. Specifically those who are harming me. They're not nice people, none of them. There is enough harm and killing going on in the world without me adding to it. My act of violence if carried out makes me no different or no better than them. The old male who is still harming me with his behaviour is a violent pedophile who lives in the village complex where I also live.

Today is a good day. An excellent day. The sun has returned after 72 plus hours of absence. There is peace in my heart as we approach the Easter dawn of our Beloved Lord and Redeemer Jesus Christ.
With His stripes, we are Healed.

Keep going everyone. Love you.




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