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2021-03-31 08:12:17 (UTC)

Shh

The title is for my brain. I can’t help how shameless I feel writing 2 entries with literally no interval between them but I need to have a small rant. My eyelids are so heavy right now and this sleepiness is making me think about random crap.
It’s so hard not to cringe at myself for every single actions I make. No matter what it is, I find a way to see it as embarrassing because it’s me doing it. I’m pretty sure this is a product of low self esteem but I have no perspective. This could be the normal for most people. Or this could be just me. And the crazy thing is that I’ll never know. It’ll always be either me overthinking things or the answer going right over my head. A useless, repetitive topic that may never be resolved for me until I communicate with another person on a deeper level.
...
I know that’s never gonna happen.

Reminds me of how a few hours ago (I think. It could’ve been a few minutes ago. Or maybe yesterday.) I was thinking about how nice it’d be to have a cuddle buddy. So many thoughts about it. How it would be nice to be held by someone else without having to think about how gross I am. Or being able to hold someone else and bring them comfort instead.
Or scolding myself for thinking about the impossible in the first place afterwards.

Uh oh, I’ve got dry eye.

That also reminds me. Anime. At this point, I might stop watching any of it. Once you start procrastinating on doing something which is supposed to be entertainment, can it even be called entertainment anymore? After last year, manga became something I barely read either. Especially with school getting in my way. Then again, I’ve just been reading fanfiction (not that kind) for half the school year.
What’ll be my new obsession after Attack on Titan ends?...
Yeah I’ve got nothing. My whole personality has been based on my interests so once that goes away, will I even be here anymore?

Oh, who cares anyway....me. ):


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