If I die today
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2021-03-30 05:50:50 (UTC)

IDK what I dont know

nDea had some back pain yesterday with motion started at the end of workday triggered by lifting paint but it had been building up. He has these problems somtimes. Poor guy. We still visted yesterday had coffee and chatted in the car. Today the owners will be around so IDK if I should try to get together with him or not. BUt above all I want him to be healthy anyways. I was sober drug free yesterday took 1mg slow release melation at like 8ish bc I want ot run to day so figured Id like to get to sleep so I can wake up and do my chores I'm kinda tired of being a sloth. Irionic.... I did 1 hour of chores yesterday in the kitchend it exhausted me to keep working without a break for one hour :( Kinda sad. Blahha. IDK whats wrong with me. Now news yet on my stimulius sooo we'll see I cant make plans till it arrives no need to make a fool outta myself if theres any problems... but I have time I'm in no rush. about the whole boyfriend thing and his other parts and his future and budget. i really olny have his side of the story. I olny know what he tells me which I have no reason to believe he's withholding anything specailly if I ask but i've never met anyone else in his life so IDK what thier perspective is. His daughter wanted to get a loan or have some money from him something like that to help her have enough of a downpayment for a loan on the house. his daughters mother keeps trying to sign they up for this family vaction with his neices that IDK if he wants to go on . Heres the deal thou we're grown he has his children (child) and grandchildren. I dont think if we do anything together it seems akward for me to run to my parents for any sorta money support its kinda backwards at this point so another motivation for me to do this divorce myself althou its not for him at all and I cant put all my chips in garutneeing he'll marry me. We're fools clowns. Maybe defintly some puppy love going around and the sex is good but who knows if we will have a whole future together or if were prepared . short time as in today at this moment yes he;s mine and Id like us to fill the roles as a couple. Inside myself I veiw things thou whatever he has as far a income and savings he's had it before me it's not mine I dont get a say so I need to back off IDK if he even gave his daughter the funds or not but Im not in a postion to counsel or have input and as far as eCarri thinking she should have half his savings assuming she's going to move well its his problem really those funds occurend before me and will be tehre after me and I'm not capable enough or know enough to make those calls thankfully he hasnt ever asked me but I have my thoughts. My biggest thought is put your foot down get the dam woman out your hait theres no reason she cant rent a room or go thru her casework and get assited care. how long does it take to give someone notice that your done with them? but whatever he has to do this all its dependant on him and I dont know what I dont know I wasnt there the last 25 years of thier lives. In other news I'm glad to have a roof over my head got some food made some good choices yesterday except well I wasnt offered any additional substances so thank GOD I didnt have to decide to smoke or not. I want to do good with chores tooday too. I"m glad I got up in time to stretch by 6 and get the day rolling bc I will be able to run and not feel anything about the schedule althou I"m not on a time frame. I"m waiting for my love to wake up or maybe Im just waiting for the text its 7 so I bet he is waking but I want to know how he is doing. I have some finical businees going on bc its the end of the month sooo IDK I have to really think what I would want but Id say if petty money exist were talkin im worth less than 1000 in total anyway it probly is needed for my whatever funeral or what not but otherwise I think I'd like eGen in charge and if not the nDea and I'd olny want nDEa to use the funds after he is separted physcially from eCarri if he chooses not to spend them for whatever I may require in or after kicking the bucket lol althou I wont be here so what do I care. Anyhow I'm not kickin it today but those are my present thoughts

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