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Sadnant
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2021-03-30 12:11:10 (UTC)

Morning fever dreams

Maybe it's that I've got a new, longer-lasting (but normal stregnth, not enhanced or extrract) strain of kratom, but I feel I'm over the hill now. Not feeling entirely well, but not as bad as I was. Sometimes pain happens, or a little nausea, or a little skin crawl, but psychologically it's much more bearable.

I woke up late today, about half 10. I wanted to keep sleeping but kept having these vivid dreams.

The first I remember was going to a restaurant, had a meal, left and then came back realising I hadn't paid, and apologised profusely. A waiter or maybe the manager thanked me for being so honest, and invited me to another room with a huge glass, like 2 pints, for a drink of my choosing.
I settled on a cloudy cider - proper cider, not the sweetened fizzy rubbish - and found my glass was already mostly full, so I finished it off.

Wake up. Sleep.

The environment around me shifts more here, but it's always inside a residential building. I think Josh was in my dream and we were in a hotel room with a big window to a clear view of some trees and stuff, and we had these stamper-looking-things that were some kind of single-use security devices. George is in my dream, but his personality has changed. He attempts to rape me, citing something about my interests or actions that to say I'm asking for it, or that he's entitled to it. (Weird to have a faceless amalgamation personality with a recognisable face, although I have my theories as to why they came in this form.)
Eventually he got me in bed, and he did penetrate me, and like in most of my rape dreams I kind of physically enjoyed it even though I hated that it was happening.
I then set about trying to shame or expose him so that he would stop, because it was becoming an on-going thing since we lived together and I didn't want to have to move out to avoid it. I went to his room and found a bunch of Bad Dragon onaholes, which I gave a try by putting the no-hole end in my mouth and seeing the sound they made. (They were in boxes with the pictures and names written on them, and had aluminium cases.) His family was around so I did some sort of manoeuvre to get them all in the room at the same time, but George revealed to me he had a manipulated recording of me in his room with the onaholes that made me look bad.

Wake up. Cosider getting up, but feel heavy. Sleep.

The next was like an episode of Bigmouth, but visually there were only rooms. One was the small yellow bathroom, the place where/representation of a married couple were having a sensual date, and their teenage son was a large empty blue room with a double-door and a pattern of light reflecting off water, like there was a swimming pool.
"I love you!" loudly proclaims the dad to his wife
Son, overhearing; "you.... love me? I can't believe it. I've been wanting to hear that. I love you too dad!"
"I'm married to you!"
"I'm married to you too dad!"

Then I woke up and decided I'd had enough.

***

Seeing a cat in my garden reminded me of another dream, perhaps one that came first.
I was walking along some kind of bank, and kittens would appear. I picked them up to make sure they were safe, and to look for their mother or mother's. Eventually Schmitt arrived, and I knew at least some of the kittens were hers, but she'd take good care of them all.

I think there was also something to do with ships or boats before that.

Ofc, DST has changed and it's sunnier, so the sunlight affects the vividness of dreams. Because REM sleep happens more when it's light, or something like that.


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