Just so something of me is left, if something happens
2021-03-30 10:00:44 (UTC)

Here I am. Still not dead. ..

Here I am. Still not dead. Wish I could actually just end it already but I'm too scared of pain, I guess.

It's funny how I've gotten two different messages trying to tell me that it's just my mindset that's making me think I'm a burden or whatever.

Unfortunately I have concrete proof of it, and my parents never stop reminding me how much of a failure I am.

They already have their golden child. I'm just extra baggage they can't even make use of.

They're right, of course. Even if there wasn't a pandemic I'd still be dragging them all down.

It's absolute bullshit. I hate being alive just as much as they hate having me around. You'd think that would help me get over my fear of pain but no, it really doesn't.

I'd go out and contract covid but then I'd be putting them in danger. As if me existing wasn't already bad enough.

I'll figure something out eventually. It's not like any of them are paying any attention to what I do anyway. It'll be easy to set something up once I've settled on a plan.

Not like I have anything else to live for.