Christopher Mel

The Mirror
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2021-03-30 03:37:46 (UTC)

Imaginary Fallen?

I never feel sad. Like ever. My mindset just isn't built for that, yet...why the fuck am I crying? And for an imaginary character? My brain is acting like I've lost someone. Feels like shit. Not only that but an imaginary character I made up. Thoughts of our lives together in bits and pieces of memory and flashbacks...knowing everything about them...but knowing they're going to die...because you have to kill them. Yeah I don't know either. It's like you come up with a whole backstory, and then something like that happens. Or maybe I'm crying the loss of a made up person because I have no irl reliable friends to feel sad for? Just crying for no fuckin' reason. Did something happen today. It's like my spidey sense is going off and I just feel mournful for some obscure reason...feels like I'm forgetting or losing something. Alone? No, I've been like that my whole life, but that's not what i'm feeling. What the fuck is this? Can't talk to anyone anyway. Everyone's too busy being traumatized by words to do anything meaningful. Figure with all thr virtue signalling and bringing up injustices of everyone else like some of them do they'd have thicker skin but I guess when something trivial as words sim directly at them thry just lose all complete functionality and shut down. Guess they weren't willing to fight for anything after all when it was their time to bat. Either that, or their lives were so easy that mere words were enough to traumatize them, essentially proving the person who directed those harsh words at them correct. Whatever. Have fun reveling in victimhood. I'm legit trying to figure out the cause for this sudden sadness. Customers getting worse. People getting worse. Too tired to get mad about it. You cant wait for people to be normal and functional or be reliable. Or just people to just be THERE. Maybe this sadness is not because I've lost people, but because I've lost a connection with them. I've been more apathetic lately, so these tears are a surprise. Couldn't find someone to cry for, so I'm tearing up for an awesomely made-up imaginary character...This is 2021 thus far. Bored and lacking stimulation. I'm kinda just biding my time and waiting to die at this point. I find myself going back to imaginary scenarios and escapism more often at work. I just wanna go. Man I'm tired. Dont know what the fuck I'm saying. Literally will pass out the second I put this phone down. Well, cya.


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