meelife

Living Without Lighting
2021-03-28 08:58:50 (UTC)

Day 30 / RIP Drone :(

Didn't expect to get around to it so late, but today in particular marks my first month of sobriety. Just like my first entry I wrote, I'd like to note the differences I've experienced during this time abstaining from weed.

First of all, my speech is completely coherent and my energy is back at equilibrium. After two months of nightly smoking I ceased to feel and function like a regular human being, however since I quit I've felt great. Second, the time that I'd spend every night stoned in bed is now completely open, and I've found that I spend these hours craving (or at least thinking about) artistic expression. Just tonight, while taking a shower my cheap pouf fell apart and completely unraveled itself. Not wanting to let this blue-green tapestry of mesh to go to waste, I spent the next fifteen minutes finding avant-garde ways to drape it around my shower. Considering both the sanitary and practical factors of this decision however, I'll probably get rid of it by tonight. On the other hand, this diary and my video have also been attestations of my renewed creativity.

On the other hand however, quitting weed has brought on some challenges as well. Primarily, I've replaced my desire for it with other vices, those being junk food and beer. Just the other night I brought home a box of KFC and tore into it like some depraved animal. I'll have up to multiple sodas a day, and on the ones I work it'll be accompanied with candy as well. Not to mention, while I don't necessarily get drunk from it, I've really come to enjoy different alcohols, particularly Coors Banquet. In a way it mellows me out like when I used to vape, but I have to be aware that it's my liver I'm affecting, instead of my lungs. In addition, I feel that it makes me lazy, as if I hadn't gone through half of my 24oz last night I would've written this entry earlier.

Finally, my second biggest challenge has been my anxiety. I struggle with it a lot more now, to the point where it's difficult to make casual conversation with customers at work. I'll stutter and stammer at the register, and I feel like it has an ill affect on the shoppers, like as if I'm hiding something or have ulterior motives. That, or they just see me as really weird :P

Either way, that's it for my one-month retrospective. I'm on the path to becoming a better version of myself, and as long as I keep off the weed I'll have the clarity needed to make the right decisions.

Now on the other hand....

Today the dreaded but expected happened. After nearly five months of owning it, I CRASHED my drone. In the midst of an unprepared shot, it ate its way backwards into a tree that sits right outside of my backyard. Being separated by a fence, I had to take the neighborhood trail and slip through a opening into what essentially is private property, and weave my way back towards the tree. Using a pole my family keeps in our garage, after twenty minutes of trial-and-error I got the sucker free from the branch. It fell twenty feet and smashed into the grass below. I picked it up, and like I expected it didn't survive. The gimbal was totaled, and one of the ND filters that arrived in the mail TODAY got lost in the grass, and I doubt I'll ever find it again. So much for blowing that Amazon gift money...

I've filed an insurance claim and I'll have to send it back to DJI for a replacement. A damn shame, but as they say, the master failed more times than the student ever tried.

Until next time, ideally sooner...