chae

from my heart
2021-03-22 14:02:23 (UTC)

flash - cigarettes after sex

3:02 pm

hey its been exactly one year since you and i wouldve been together... if we were together, which we arent. so this day is just another pointless, meaningless day.

no, i am not hurting and i dont feel anything to be exact. i am detached from this world we live in called reality.

one year, today, was a significant day and today it is absolutely nothing.

mom got mad at me this morning for being cranky and when she left, the only thing left was the sound of a door slamming and emptiness. i feel empty and nothing. it doesnt matter anymore if i am happy or not. my pride has been shriveled up to nothing more than dried up dead weed.

with my slight attempt to be a decent human being (even though i am nothing and absolutely unimportant and hold no value) i called mom and apologized to her and went to honda to pick her up. i dont want to burden others anymore

i havent eaten food and my stomach randomly has sharp pains and when i walk my legs feel weak. i am tired. i dont want to do anything.

i dont miss you. i dont care about you. i dont care about anything except just making sure that the people around me are ok. i think thats really my only duty in life. i dont deserve to eat food i crave. i dont deserve to laugh because i think something is funny. i just need to shut the fuck up and be nothing


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