edd

Scream Above the Sounds
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2021-03-20 18:25:52 (UTC)

Let's Begin the Dance Again

I wish this cough wasn't so bad that I could actually start running again. I feel motivated to actually get out there and push myself but it's embarrassingly hard right now. I used to do the whole 'Couch to 5k' app on my phone and I was at the tail end of it, running for about 25 minutes and it honestly felt amazing, and then there was a massive dip in motivation and probably a wave of depression, and everything grinds to a halt. I decided to reset it two days ago and start from scratch, and honestly week 1 was hard, and that feels very embarrassing to say. It feels terrible when you're out and about and coughing too. People look at you like you've committed some terrible crime. So running is definitely off the cards until whatever this is finally clears up. I got my medication yesterday so lets begin the dance again I guess. It's called lansoprazole and I think I'm going to be taking it for three months. I never really felt like it was doing anything for me but people around me feel as though my cough is worse/more prevalent after I finished the medication, so here we are again.

It feels very tedious jumping through hoops and not finding a fix to whatever this is, because it's been going on since the last week of November and it's just so tiresome at this point. From various antibiotics to chest scans to covid tests, I don't think they have a clue what's wrong with me. I guess I'm just crossing my fingers that this medication is really going to quell whatever this is and get it under control. I've got a feeling that maybe I'll be taking these tablets long term, as my father goes through something similar. I think he suffers with something called acid reflux, so he takes tablets every day. I really hope that won't be the case but it seems inevitable that eventually we are all going to end up taking medication and doing things to keep us in a healthy and strong position, maybe my time is now. Who knows? I just didn't expect this to go on for as long as it has.

My body clock has taken a turn for the worse too, although it's never truly in a good place. I spent most of last night introducing my girlfriend to The Smiths and Morrissey, that was a night well spent. But yeah, I woke up about 4pm today so that's really not good. I plan to watch the football soon and then I'm just going to chill out. I've had a ridiculous urge to resub to WoW in the last night or two, I'm not sure what has triggered this. I think maybe it's just everywhere I tend to spend most of my time on: Twitter, YouTube etc. I haven't played since January and I do feel a return is probably imminent for me, especially with the Easter holidays approaching. Away from video games and football, I did promise M that we would watch 'A Star Is Born' as she has been wanting to do that for sometime. It'll make a nice change I suppose because we have been watching some pretty heavy stuff lately. We watched the Ted Bundy documentary and also that Night Stalker(?) documentary on Richard Ramirez. We've just started Making a Murderer as she has never seen it before. We need to finish Star Wars too; we watched The Mandalorian and she absolutely loved it. She has seen Star Wars before but doesn't really remember it much so I'm kinda explaining it as we go. So far we've done Phantom Menace > Attack Of The Clones > Revenge Of The Sith and Rogue One. I'm thinking of skipping Solo because it's just not really that good, but I'm just rambling now. Anyway, we're watching a film tonight!

Tomorrow is probably 'essay day' or at least the day that I try and start it. I can't be sure how much time I'll put into it Sunday night as I am a huge sufferer of the Sunday Blues and have little motivation to do anything. I have until Friday to get that essay done and then I can finally breathe. Roll on next Friday.

Edd


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