If I die today
Ad 2:
2021-03-20 08:43:00 (UTC)

the customers are always the worst

Yesterday was fiarly healthy . The run was impressive beyond what I thought I had in me. Then well I had a drink vodka and cranberry of course. Then a hit of weed and an evening of finishing off the vodka with my love after the sex.. So feeling it this morning. He left like btwn 1 and 3 he wasnt super drunk but he had stopped and got wine . I think he was hoping for more of a dirnking night outta me but I was content just to have a little. I took some charcol at like 5 then I got up a few hours ago got water going in me had a coffee but i need more. I've been crapping a lot. Still havtn accomplished squat my apartment is still in the condtion we left it last night after D went home. I did make a quasidilla a little bit ago and added onion and spiniach so I have grown the mess since yesterday. blah. I think I need a bath or something. Thinking I want to get together with my love again today not to drink but just to hang out and not sex. I'm sure he must be hungover n hurtin. hmmm so if I die today well whatever. Kinda distrubing I'm headed on this pathway to hell but I'm hoping I want to get back on track. Anyhow I have some emergen-c vitimains next to me I need to mix in water and get that in me to help recover. thinking about a few things but blah I cant get it out I'm a wreck. I just ordered my niece eChlo a birthday present that will arrive before her april fools birthday so I'm glad I got the squared away. I will likely screw myself if I take a bath but it might also be good prayer time. IDK I'm such a trainwreck and swinging every which way. It should be a good day weatherwise to walk but I"m not sure thou bc people.. human.. blah I cant handle it but I might try I may need to keep varying my path so I dont get in this akward thing again like last weekend. oooohh soo ok this is interesting if I die please understand my postion on this. the customers in the stores are the worse as far as self sufficating most stores I'm at peace with or just aviod. But yesterday in a trip to Albertsons nDea was pushing the cart I was shopping so were together and I'm well barefaced he is not. so We walked passed this old lady who split her wig something about "I have cancer I get be around that" but I didnt hear all her comment. She was probaly in her 50's and Idk the detials but ok she's problay someone who doesnt need to be smoothered either. OMG so nDea asked if I heard her comment and I blurted out that well I have medical conidtions and I cant afford to be self sufficated. In retrospect omg I shoulda offered to pray for her or something. I feel like a jerk but I have no remorse for breathing. I"m kinda sad thou bc this lady is really scared but what about me I have valid concerns of my health being concerned by the coverings. and I have every right to live and breath just as much as her. People assume they know it all and that everyone should just be smoothered mouths sealed. Yet there is a medical excpetion even in the law. It pisses me off to be judged so quick while I have a valid need to breath just as much as they and what I fear for my health is just as concerning as what they feel . but no we have to bow down to this scheme if you ask me. the line of bull the media has fed us. I just wanns say is it right that I ampersonnally criminalised when within the law of this land I am within my rights to breath and not be self suffocated. I also want to say its really sad the fear that terrorises people in those situations this lady may really be scared and for things like that I say the media should be charged as terriorist. its all a psyop. Something is out there and I still am believing yes it is in our grocery stroes its in our freakin food. I even believe its in our airwaves and signals but I do not beleive I am killing you by my breathing living and existing and I do not believe a mask will save or help you or me. Im also sad that the people like fClif my nieghbor who have copd and are unable to breath and need to not be smoothered are the ones most scared hiding behind the selfsuffactiong device bc they believe it is helping but its literally killing them the most more than the average joe thats in perfect health so the vulerable are actually led to behave in the opposite of what thier body needs bc they are fearfully trying to protect thier body. Its sad and frustrating. How can life be more uncomfortable? Well thats it folks take a stance wisely if I die just consider the wisdom if any that I have left behind

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