If I die today
lets get up n running I can do this?
Yesterday I did not run but did indoor workout. I got running shoes yesterday nDea bought them I aksed him to take me to get them so I can reset my budget for the month but he said he was going to buy them. Im happy with the shoe its new balance which typically offers a little more support so I'll waterproof them today and then be ready to get them out the door Monday. I'm happy they are black and this blueish color so kinda hard to stain. I was eatting and drinking coffee alll day yesterday. Once in my coffee before my date I added hemp oil. I had hemp oil in the morning too. I feel overwhelmed off and kinda lazy discouraged about running bc I worry about the weatheer but honestly sad as it my seem i'm nervous about running down the road bc of stalkers and harassers but I'm having like mini anxiety attacks about construction being near my usual trail so I am sorta being rerouted or like the other day I planned what I thought would work and surpise the construction closed that exact entrance to the park that I had planned on using it just threw me off soo bad. Theres other entrances and I got in a short run but my mind is overwhelmed and its a big deal in my mind. Anyhow Im struggling mentally more than physcially. I took a hit of weed yesterday too and at bedtime well I mean at 8 i took flexeril and 1mg of melation then another 1mg and thank God I didnt have nightmares. Oh there was sex yesterday too after we ran to the bank then to get the shoes and of course food. We went for a short walk but I was so chilled to the bone and it started to rain on top of that so screw it. I've been thinking about am I loveing do i Love my love one thing that burned up my mind all day yesterday was is it loving to put this man in a postion to choose between me and his daughters mother? Am I causing him undue burdens? I got up some courage and shared my thoughts and he's content and theres nothing I can do to ease the sh!t he goes thru with her. I think we both agree she's not an enemey and I dont want her to be an enemy. I woke up at 430ish then fell back asleep I got up a little after 5 I'm kinda slow and unmotivated but if I get myself together I can acheive somethings I'm still on a reasonable time I'm already fed and took my d3 . I need to clean my living room today put in my walmart order wash a blanket or 2 plus some clothes. I have a full sink of dishes . I think I should run I gotta go for it. I already asked about going to Albertsons today also so will try to get the sale price I need to make a list so I dont screw myself. I think I have a date tonight but I'm competeing well Im not comepeting but someone is competeing with me for attention and I dont give a crap but I know I have something he wants guess we had diffrent ideas on the sex last night so afterwards we were talkign and being social an he mentioned 2 things that didnt happen sooo I can make that happen tonight I volunteered that it would happen today and apologised althou he said no apology needed and he wasnt demanding service. just well I want to do my best for him. I'm not sure about a lot of things still tryin to wake up but i hope to stretch by 730ish so I better keep getting this coffee in me.