Experienced Life
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2021-03-17 23:37:02 (UTC)

Wow! Timelines in life pops up🤯

Wow!!! I see multiple memories popping up in my Facebook. Some from 3 years to as far back as 10 years ago. There is this one from 3 yrs ago. A pic of my now ex gf and I. Gotta say we looked like a pretty cool couple. Pic looked like a Kodak Moment pic. hehe. Different generation would know what this means. I look at that pic and look into my eyes. I look at where I was then and the "now". If there was some magical way I could have gone back and told myself that it'd be ok. "You got a poop-strom coming! You'll feel a heartbreak 6 months from when that pic was taken. You will hurt. Then you will grow and there will be a new you. A better you. More fearless and you'll be able to love yourself and have that much more confidence. You think you don't need to improve but until you hit that wall, you won't realize how much growth you still need." Hehe. That'd be something if I could go back, I'd let that earlier version of me know what's to come. Then of course I've already gone through that and so my thoughts are just silly thoughts. All N/A at this point. So yeah, I look at that pic and that earlier version of me and feel good. I'd pat myself on the back but my shoulder muscles are hurting. New gym equipment being used means new body parts are now hurting.🥺 Anyway, fast forward to the present and I'm no longer in that dark place. I feel great (mentally) when I wake up in the mornings, I can smile and look forward to a new day. Not so much if I drank tequila the night before but I still manage to crack a crooked smile and laugh telling myself this is what I deserve to be out playing/drinking with the big boys🥴

Then there is one of me posting of the ex wife ransacked the house and split again while I was at work. Boy oh boy. That one was tough. Now? No problemo. I never understood her bailing like that instead of just saying she is leaving. Nope, she just splits while I'm at work. Now? Now I know that I can't control other people. They do things that are weak and cowardice. Can't control her and this is all old news anyway. I just know that even that made me grow stronger and I'm thankful for that. The hell if I'd want to go through that again but I came through it and now those demons of me blaming myself for it or other stupid thoughts like that are gone and I know I'm a better person now. Can't fix stupid is a motto I always repeat. Again, those events no longer haunt me.

All this new enlightening is because I finally found out how to self improve. I finally figured out a way to like myself. I can honestly say I am able to look into the mirror and smile at what kind of a man I've become. I see into my eyes and I'm cool with it. Sure, lots of improvements are still needed but compared to the past? Hell yeah I feel good about myself. That's not easy when the worse critique is your own self.

So when Facebook springs these things on me, I can now feel grateful for the poop I overcame and am even more excited looking forward to what's yet in store for me. Life is much sweeter after you go through some tough times. Even the drama I face now is nothing compared to the past. While it's not all Rainbows-and-Unicorns of course but I feel pretty good.
Oh yeah, I succumbed and ordered a gym jump box for me. Can't believe I'm so excited for a big box. hehe. But it'll help me do my home workouts and maybe even when I wax the hood and top of the cab of my truck since it's too fricking tall for me now that I lifted it. 😱

Good night for now diary. Thanks for once again letting me ramble on.

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