If I die today
its all going to pot
This morning not to much on my mind. I had 2 hits of pot yesterday the 1st was probaly a miss and the second choked the shit out outta me. what am I going to do with myself. I'm trying to get back on track and live more for Him . I feel so defeated and kinda bored in life and stuck and never know where to begin so over n over again i grasp at straws within reach. Whih probaly isnt good to have heornin dealers running ramprid thru my apartments althou I think they never find me approachable thank God althou I joke and claim its unappealing lets face it i
m not who i want to be. I feel stuck that I dont drive. Self suffication devices are still an issues. the budget is limited I'm ashamed of my past and so those who have been in my life for the long haul I have tendancy to want to jusity everything too out of the blue all my current life just bc well I assume there no confidence as me. and im hurting physcilly with the headaches and some exhaution. noone really knows I have bad chronic knee pain I dont telll people about but it hurts and i get stuck sometimes I dont even know what I can squat fully and not even a pilate without exact alignment I get sharp pains both knees and lets face it I have a history of abusing this body. In other news nDea confirmed yesterday in his morning text he himself initiated a conversttion he's worried that the cream didnt work:/ so he's gonna call his doctor today and he creamed again yesterday. IDK what to say and he's got that other woman in his house so if she's not treating or doing her part the infestion will occur I could leave my apartment sit for a few days they will not live without a human host but he has someone always in his home. so even if we cleaned up together and isiolaed and let the stuff die off our possesions it wouldnt work. I dont know if shes done what she needs to and properly used the cream or not but I have suspions. IDK my rash thou bumps get better with showers thou so Idk what to make outta it and its more like acne looking to mebut could be bites its odd. I wouldnt put it past that i coud be infected. Anyhow yesterday I bleached as my routine would normally be did a few chores but not much before we headed out.. cofffee :) then minature golf it was so fun then hikeing badger moutian and we bought a kite of coures its for kids bc thats all we could find so its a happy shark there wasnt enough wind thou and well then we headed back and I intinatied what I thought would be intense sex but actually I was on my a game ha but we had a good time and I apprecuated it and he seems happy so thats that then we cuddeled and played uno. I love this man but might be a conflict of interest bc he doesnt hold much value to the LORD or HIS will. IM not sure but I still want to contiune in see what happens. People lie and decieve so much and I know its common for "christians " to spew out dont be unequally yoked but I'm still out there on what that means bc the bible is large and so often contexted are usused for our own pride and desires or just in ingornace I really dont know I want GOD to speak to me. Well not much really to say on last wishes its all blah whatever who gives a crap but dont leave my property that if has any value do not give it to 509c3. Find purpose thats kinda what I want in life is a purpose and value.
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