If I die today
2021-03-10 06:46:00 (UTC)

feeling it again

Physcially I'm well I slept last night fairly acceptable I set an alarm for 6am and well turns out thats when coffee was ready so didnt get as much sleep as planned but I went to bed between 8 and 9. I'm feeling fine heads still sore. I had 2 drinks of vodka and cranberry but the first was a speciality drink that had graperfuit so it was called a seabreeze and I didnt like the seabreeze so we switched. We ordered asiain tacos from the happy hour menu and they were less the great but whatever. Nothing killed me . I went to the local restruant/bar to wait for nDea and was gonna have a drink and well he came in sat withe me and suprised me ordered the same as me then well that lead to drink 2 and food. Laurie office manager is giving him a hard time about me since now were sorta really busted but from what I can gather well he did violate company poilicy they were almost scripted he said upon hire he got a stupid sheet of paper he never signed that mentions something about talkig to tenants olny in passing like oh how about the weather. he says they want robots here. Anyhow IDK what were gonna do but the drinks kinda took our date yesterday then we went back home haha against his waring or whatever you call it from the boss who basicly says he cant see me anymore. And thre was sex it was passionate pleasing but also well it had the signature of alchol on it also. but I'm happy then we just sorta layed there till 8 and sigh he had to go. so basicly I'm full circle with dating an employee here.. facepalm I kinda know where this is going but its also diffrent so we will see how it all works out. Then theres news I got a message from eGen yesterday at like 8am it was early haha that i had mail from the proscueting atty soo I have an appointment to meet him at 830 at the park to get it while his car is in the shop and we will catch up then too. Im kinda already bracing myself that ill be a letter stating why they "cant " or "wont" help me. I"m sure that Ty gets away with all of this high n dry but I also have to accept I had a part. I'm thinking I'm gonna be an emotional mess with I read it all wavery upset then guilty then peaceable. IDk I'm not sure who I want to talk or share with if anyone bc its just a shame or embarssing. part of me hopes it says oh we couldnt pursue this case bc the defendant is dead but I doubt that and how evil of me. I"m 98percent sure its just a letter saying I'm a waste of thiier time and resources. WE will see I'm having all these feelings again so its and emotional day and I dont wanna loose my boytfriend either who is going ot choose me over this job it sounds like. I will talk to him about the letter but I dont know if I want to put myseld out there to anyone esle with my feelings or expressions specially about relationship drama bc I suck such an idiot. I wil do stress relief workout to get going today not focused on cardio today at all but I think I got that covered. well I gotta start getting up I dont have several hours to wakeup I need to be ready by 815 eGen is very prompt plys its an appointment he has. stretching will be 20inute I would like to eat again make myself a cup of tea to go and I need to get dressed a little better and kinda clean up I so still smell like sex. today thou I"m trying not to repeat history or overreact no amtter what im loosing today legal battles or new realtionships or maybe itll turn out for the btter but the anxiouness has got me but I"m eager to recoonet with eGene and hope that I can share something good right I"ve grown a lot this year? maybe IDK maybe personally changing but unproductive in the sence of I'm kinda useless and lazy. IDK we will see how it goes I feel both I feel like I"m healthier and better but then again i also feel like smug like my lifes nothing and im wasting it

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