If I die today
senstive head of nightmares
Yesterday while putting away and taking an attmept at oranizing my stash of canned goods i hit my head on the closet door i didnt think it was much force but it hurt. so i felt it and i had a knot right away but i couldnt see it. it's on my hairline so I texted nDea and met him in the laundry roon and yup I have a knot it already started to bruise up last night. It was just real sore its still sore. so anyhow i didnt accomplish to much after that I used the apartment laundry to wash my stuff again i had stuff in the drier when i was trying to organise. I dont usually use the laundry her e since I have my own system and well bc crime. Anyhow I had called the doc earlier and talked to the assistant about the rash then.. well i decided to call back and ask for instrustions and wher to go if there was a problem but turns out it likely wont be a problem just some ice is the reccomedation. I"m such a needy person thou I dont want to get in the hbbait of call my doctors every day again or being weird. Last night was disturbing I had nightmares and I woke up I think it was around 11 sounded like a lot of banging maybe the dumpster being emptied describtes the sound but it just kept happening . I saw 4am and at 6 I acutally woke up but somewher in the night hours I was thinking abot the dumpster like banging sounds and maybe i should call to report it or something and I even thought to myself well shit I can tell them I need paramedics to check my head injury in case I am imaging this. Thankfully thou I didnt. I reminded myself thats not who I want to be and also I figure it could be hightway noise or a late car dealer delivery or whatever it is that everyoneelse must be hearing it too. Anyhow im very aware now that I dont know what to do if i t was an "emergency" or "diaster" but oh well I guess I sorta dont care right now. I've been up since 6 now so Im thinking by 8 I'll stretch. Its a nice day so I want to run after a few chores. I'm trying to stratigise my diet for the day now with the food I need to use soon and the nutrients I want. We will see how that plan turns out. Ok sooo last night I saw something that I was not exspecting so I asked nDea to go out with me after work. (which by the way the office manager saw us leave togetherhe drove out the lot the same time she finnally was getting her car they waved to each other but IDK whats gonna happen if anything now) And he had to me his sister was making them soup he said us (as in him and his household) and Im used to him using phrases like us or we and then also last time he was here she messaged him she made dinner.. and then asked if he was coming hom ane then she sent him a kissy face and he goes IDk why she does this shit sends me this shit she sent me ok a kiss. Well I had been assuming since he said they were having soup that our visit was gonna be short and he had plans.. so anyhow his sister texted him about 6 to tell him soup was ready then C texted him right after about picking up the soup and he got upset said this is all her doing this shit beet she told my sister to text me she's trying to get me home and he replied to her ill get it when i get home. then a few text and then he said to her go get it yourself anf she said come home now.. and he got pissed. and said somethings to me that kinda make me believe shes not as in control of him as i give her credit for. anyhow there was no sex last night just cause I didnt know I didnt read between the lines he wanted it but he also told me by text after his was home he didnt want to put the effort in and that i didnt misread haha. so I guess thats on the right track . I have some confiendece in him now as in if an emergency happened to me sure he would have a vested interest in what to do but IDK im not going to assign him that role. Anyhow my heads still sore. Ive been thinking about the new apartment if i get it i dont think ill be able run it wont be on this trail idk where I would run. If i run on sidewalks I know I'll get hasseled by men probaly whistled honked and commented at bc its along a main road. But maybe theres somewehere in that area i dont yet know about so I really want to look at that when she calls back about the place and we can see if there is a place for me to run. That alone might make me reject the place exspecially since the weateher should be nice if it comes in this season but I'm unsure. WEll time to start the day as best I can.