Ad 2:
2021-03-08 21:50:14 (UTC)

Random First Day Thoughts

I sent an email recently because while there were changes, it just didn’t feel like we were on the same page. I said that I want the best for you and for you to be happy. I mean that, but I don’t think you got where the disconnect is. While I would normally lay things out, right now it’s something you have to figure out for you. Would I like for things to blossom like I thought they were? Of course, I do. The fact is though when I sent an email it’s an invitation to communicate. I’m not great at verbally speaking my mind. It’s something that I’m working on. I use the typed/written word to get my words out because that’s been my best medium.

Not for nothing, but you’re 40 years old. By now you figure something out more than silence and memes to get your point across. You would find that medium that works for you. It’s the communication that is the problem. There is none. Something. Anything. “I’m with someone.” “I want us to be together.” “Well I have my eye on X, Y, and Z.” “Name is interested in me and believes we’re in a relationship.” “I want all the girls to feel like they’re in a relationship with me because I’m emotionally unavailable and don’t know what I want.” Communication isn’t existent and so assumptions begin. That’s what humans do. Our minds will fill in the blanks when the communication is one sided.

I had to set some boundaries and one of those was with everything that’s going on with my life right now, the last thing I want to wonder about is if I’m really in a relationship or not. Actions are nice. They say a lot but there aren’t any WORDS to consider them with. I just don’t get it. You can talk to me about just about anything EXCEPT THAT. Truth be told it’s maddening, and this leads me to believe that you either don’t know what you want or are just too emotionally unavailable to be bothered. This is why I said we aren’t on the same page. This is why I said that I was going to consider other offers and other possibilities. I’m in a far different place than you. I want what you’re only offering me half of. I’d wait but can’t expect me to hang around and be your safety net forever. I can’t be your buffer until you find what you want. I’ve told you what I want. I want a relationship. It’s rather simple for me. It isn’t for you. That’s why we’re not on the same page.

I also told you if you figure out what you want, great. But I’m also not going to sit around and swerve every guy because you want something comfortable and doesn’t move anywhere. You didn’t seem to like that. Oh well. If you can do that to me, why can’t I do the same for myself? If you say something, type something, then I’ll listen. Otherwise while I’m still your friend, I may not be around or available when you figure yourself out. That’s a very real possibility. I’m starting a new chapter to my life. Whether you’re going to be there or not, that’s not on even the top 10 in my world right now. I’ve got a lot of good things going for me and I’m in a good place with me. I never say happy because that’s an emotion and emotions are fluid. I’m comfortable and content with my world and how it’s going. It’s up to you to get to that place for yourself. Once you were so sure that you wanted “stable” in your life, but I don’t think you defined that for yourself. That’s something to reflect on. Stable for me is the two gentlemen that text me first thing this morning to tell me “good luck” and that I “got this” for my first day today. You sent a meme. You didn’t bother to ask until well into the evening. Perhaps it was timing but hell even a text last night would have been nice. But look at the 2 scenarios. That might also be something to reflect on. Again. I can’t tell you what to do. I gotta do for me.