Confused

Do I have no more emotion
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2021-03-07 20:05:53 (UTC)

Is it to late to fix it

With all the cheating that had happen, years ago. I wonder to myself, did I really forgive him?, can I honestly move on without hating him?, do I hate him for what he did to me and I’m trying to hide it?. I find myself with a lot of anger and don’t know why, he is the first person I am able to “move on with” other people that had hurt me in the past are no longer in my life, once you hurt me I move on without them.
When we dated and got married up until I found out he has been cheating on me since our first year of marriage, I used to get butterflies in my stomach, I remember always thinking of him, no matter how he talked or treated me I still loved him with all my heart, I seen him pure. Now I find myself not feeling like that anymore, yes I think of him here and there but it’s more of a thankful that he is a good dad to now 2 of our kids, I do get occasional smiles by thinking of him but it’s not that same. We fight a lot, that never stopped, we tried counseling but I’m still angry. Angry on what? I say on how he doesn’t listen to me, angry on how he likes to go out with his friends ( before I gave birth to 2nd baby), angry on how he doesn’t tell me anything he rather tell his friends and his cousins wife than his own wife. Angry that he still says little white lies.
Maybe we aren’t meant to live together, maybe we are better off living separate and coparenting. I know I will be living a less stressful life, and probably happier without waking up angry after fighting the night before. I just want to live happy and have my kids grow up in a happy house, is that much to ask.


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