Lost Soul

~This Crazy Life Of Mine~
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2021-03-07 10:14:00 (UTC)


Just when you think that things are to good to be true, it proves itself right....

Last night the "new boyfriend" (we've been together 8 months so he's not really new.) switched over everything to his new phone... Great, wonderful, awesome.
Well I made the mistake of going through his old one and found messages between him and his ex girlfriend.... They talk almost daily.... She sent him a meme that said something missing him. And his reply was, "me to sometimes".

My heart is in a million pieces today.. How can you tell her that when you tell me that I'm all you want?! All you need... I just don't understand. It's been over a year since they split. She's been nothing but nasty to him. She damn near, literary made him want to end his life. She's kept his son from him. Put him down. Lied. Cheated. Hurt him beyond words....

God damnit. I know I'm not an easy person to deal with but fuckn'a. I don't know what to do now. How to feel. Or how to think. Facing him today is going to be hard. I don't know if I can bare this pain without letting him know what I know.

Why do I keep doing this to myself. Why do I keep allowing people to get so close. Why do I keep letting people hurt me. Just when I think I'm actually going to be okay and "fix myself" I crash.... I don't think I've ever going to love again. He's it. If this ends, I will never allow another person to get close to me again. I'm always going to have truth issues. He's broken me, forever.... I should've known better... Nothing's ever as it seems.