If I die today
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2021-03-05 06:42:00 (UTC)

ready set no go

So I'm awake and stretched and ready to go but nothing to do but chores in a bit I'll wait till 8 and then start some laundry and chores no run today but it should be lovely out so I'll walk i wish I could shoot but that could pose a hazard unless I walk to the indoor range and yeah again the highway isnt the place to walk on a friday. I did ok running yesterday but it was apprent that I have given it enough for the week and am ready for a break. Endurance was fair musles feeling it and did start to burn out . My nose was running the whole time discuiting allergies. I"m pretty healthy today . I was beat last night I wanted to sleep at 7 but was emabarssed to say that and didnt want a goodnight text and hour later so at 730 I texted I need to lay down and did our good nights. So Ndea granddaughters birthday is next weekend but IDK. Its whatever he can do what he wants with his time. He was good to me thou. I cracked my french press yesterday and I text at like 245 bc I figured it out the thing was leaking but I had just sawy the crack and I todl him I can order one I have my keurig he said we can go to the store now (as in he gets off at 3 lets go) then walmart had 1 that was smaller than my current one and he looked it up at target and they had a better size for me so we went and got that I paid as I had been planning to the whole time anyway. but when we got back the office was still open.... so we both were like oh shit and he pulled in said he was hungry and had to go home. I'm thinking he had made a commitment with her but I cant swear by it. I also dont wanna ask bc I dont wanna know. I mean I truly dont know her or her condition but I think well I cant get close to him when she's right there in the same home and he has some sorta sence of obligation to her. I also I dont wanna hear it. I guess I shoulda thought it all thru when I decided to love him. Its kinda sad I dont feel like I can ask for things bc I dont want to hear that she has foiled our plans or has some stupid need like to go for a ride that triuphs me. but who am I too judge maybe she really does need that much attention but he takes wayy to much shit from her and she clearlly holds the reigns and I dont want to hurt I'm in love but I also know I cant make plans for our future together till she's taken care of so maybe another year here unless my apartment comes thru on my own which would be best. IDk anyhow if I die today well he's my man still and i'm planning on that always being but I know I'm a fool look at my life histroy. History repeats itself. My mom got the vacine and shes in pain now. She said she had gotten the 2does vax and that its like every old injury she has ever had has come back to life so she's hurting in every spot thats ever been hurt. I dont know what to make of that but she said one thing striking to me is wll I'm tired of the c*v!d and it gettin the vax makes its go away thats what I'll do to get rid of it. In a sence yeah I suppose its a solution but look at the conquences we are so under the goverments spell. I'm still as far as I know uninterested. I"m sure my man is in a hurry to get his to spare his well his woman I guess and he's been fussy about her still not being elgible yet. Bc the virus will kill her and maybe IDK but thats that. Ok so creeper is back my nDea was in an apartemnt 2doors down from me when I got back fromrunning it was about 50min I was gone Walter was outside the door of that apratement lookin in and looked to be talking and guess what his dog was leashed. The apartments empty so I know olny maintmenece was in there so i tried to hide for like 10min wandering around the apartments bc I didnt want creep to see me and head towards my apartment well soon as I saw it was clear maintmence came out and we ran into each otehr so we went to the corner outta view of the office for hugs but he told me the dude just came up and was tryin to be buddy buddy with him just chattin away?! he chased him away bc walter claims othave c0v!d 3 times now!! 3 freakin times plus nDea doeasnt like the guy nothing to do with me thou just thier interactions alone set that but he knows the guys a creep to me but hasnt had a grand opptuinty to apprach him on that . So anyhow hopefully this fool doesnt want anything to do with me. Looks like we will have new neighbors soon too 3 or 4apartments are open I saw 1man that appeared to be paying a deposit yesterday so I think he may be becoming a new tenat if the business is as i assume it was. I olny sawy what I could see from my apartment. I feel still blah on life its kinda meaningless pointless spirtiually and Im unsure how I'm gonna get back into a relationship with the LORD I was kinda countin on the D distraction being occupied this weekend with family so I would bring my whole heart back to the LORD but looks like I'll have tempations and distractions .. Well not much else on my mind right now if I die meh it is what it is today

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