Solitary Reaper

Empty From Inside
2021-03-03 15:31:59 (UTC)

Drained

I feel like I'm mentally too much drained right now, I can't think straight anymore. I keep asking myself weird questions which I don't wanna find answers to. I keep blaming myself for the thing I did in my past. Do I hate myself, Do I really want everyone to hate me, show disgust to me? I keep telling myself that you don't deserve love, all you ever did was hurt them and yet tried to love you even though you never did. I feel emotionally numbed. I keep going back running in circles, I hate myself or I want everyone to hate me so that I don't have to do that to me. I did wrong with a lot of people, unnecessarily interfared in their personal life just to make thing right but everything went wrong but no one blamed me, so I stared blaming myself for that to. I left them and cut them off from my life so that I don't make thing any worse by staying with them.

I want them to blame me, hate me, tell me that everything happened because I was trying to be hero in their life but why won't they do it. Why...
I'm too tired to even think about it. I just want to disappear. I want to delete myself from this world without leaving anyone to grief about me or remember me. Please forget about my existance, don't show mercy on me or try to reach out to me. I'm not good, I'm dead inside their is nothing in me nor does my heart feels anything nor do my brain access their feeling for me. Just say that you hate me, forget about me like I was nothing, tell me that you regret meeting me. Just hate me please.