meelife

Living Without Lighting
2021-03-01 08:31:30 (UTC)

Day 3 / The Smelly Stranger

So I've successfully made it another night without smoking, and while I've been able to reap the benefits of sobriety I'm really beginning to feel the less desired consequences as well. On the bright side, I completed my goal of waking up at 11am today, and despite getting up two hours earlier than I usually do I felt like I had twice the energy. In addition, I fell asleep much easier than the night before. On the other hand however, I feel like reality has slowly begun to seep in, and the pride I felt in myself for the first thirty-two hours have been replaced with cannabis cravings and waves of melancholy. Whenever I stop smoking after a long time of using, the hazy reality curtain gets lifted and I soon come face to face with the uncomfortable truths I had been suppressing beforehand. God, what'd I'd due for a hit of the Gorilla Glue #4 sitting in my closet. With it's earthy undertones, botanical notes of diesel and pine, all combining into one of the most rockin' mind-and-body melts available on the cannabis market today, just one puff. No. My future and mental health comes first.

On the other hand, nothing interesting really happened today except for the fact I came across one of the most foulest smelling people I've ever encountered in my entire life. At work today, a man who must've been in his late forties came up to the checkout counter, and just his appearance announced a lack of hygeine. He had greasy, messy hair that stuck out in all directions, as if he had attempted to make love to a jet engine. Underneath his mask was a pool of sweat at the collar of his shirt, which was peppered with beard trimmings. And the smell, good lord the smell. This gentleman had the foulest stench about him, like that of the factory-farm cattle ranches found in Fresno county and other hopeless landscapes across the southwest. It lingered like a cloud, and before I could even open the register the dude bolted out of the store. Something was definitely off about him, and I'm sure that his lack of hygiene pointed to a bigger issue. Even still, it astounds me to think that someone can become that acquainted with their own filth. At least change your shirt, man.

Either way, I think I'm going to cut off today's entry here. Despite the cravings, I'm going to stick through it and continue to not use. I've got a new therapist I'm seeing this week, and I'm hoping they can help me get over this as well as the other troubles in my life. For all who read my ramblings, I wish you well and I'll see you next time.