Beauty in Darkness
I can not stop fucking crying.
There aren't many people who know my secret. The one where I can't have kids.
I told my ex husband's aunt once. We were alone, she saw me crying and I told her in confidence. I've been living in denial for as long as I can. Whenever people brag about their kids, I pretend that I'm not jealous. I'm happy for them.
Whenever I see a baby, I smile. I do not, under any circumstance want to see pity in anyone's eyes. I fucking hate it.
'Aww you can't have kids? I feel bad for you'
Yeah? Fuck you.
I may have said something tonight to piss my ex's aunt off. I didn't mean anything by it. Just looking out for her daughter, flashing her boobs at the boys nearby.
She took it the wrong way because she was drunk.
She kept saying stuff like 'Are you a mother?'
'You will never be a mother'
And other hurtful things. I didn't let her see it, but it fucking killed me. Every word out of her filthy fucking mouth felt like a knife to my chest.
When she finally calmed down I asked her if she was done then I left. The 35 minute drive to my house took more than a fucking hour because I couldn't stop crying.
What the fuck is wrong with people?
Stop fucking hurting me, goddammit.
Fuck people and fuck this fucking planet.
I can't anymore. This is so not okay!