Living Without Lighting
Day 2: Difficulty Arises
The word "difficulty" being associated with Day 2 of a process is never a good look, but in this case I'm determined to make it, baby!!! Unfortunately, my second night without THC proved to be much more restless than the first. This is very likely due to two factors.
1) I settled down for bed at around 4:30am, in contrast to my first night where I began to wind down at 3:30
2) Arrogantly enough, I believed I would have minimal issue falling asleep without some sort of pharmaceutical aid. This, however, proved otherwise.
As a result, it took two hours of unproductively laying with my eyes closed to realize this whole "sleep thing" wasn't going to work out. Defeated, at around 6:30am I hobbled to my kitchen for a sleeping pill, looking in vain out my back window at today's sunrise. It's weird to think that at the same time most people wake up to start their day, there's a fatass out there who's still trying to figure out how to end his.
Self-deprecating jokes aside, I must've fallen asleep sometime around 7. Groggy, I (officially) woke up at around 12:30pm. While I was disappointed that I wouldn't have the newfound energy I had anticipated the night before, I'm still proud of myself over the fact that I managed to respond to my alarm at 12. Such a feat can be accomplished by essentially anyone, however until I recently quit I'd wake up at 1/2pm on a daily basis. Waking up anytime before then would result in extreme mental fog, to the point where I was essentially half baked.
On the other hand, I began to feel better as I went to work in the afternoon. Today was particularly interesting, given the fact that my manager and I finally had a showdown with a crackhead that frequently steals from our store. It'd be too much work to write the whole thing out, but essentially ever since I started working there a particular lady comes in from time to time, and hides to and fro among the aisles to steal things. I don't usually care, but there have been instances where she's stolen clothes, cleverly changed into them in the restroom and left her filthy, unwashed garments behind. Well my manager really wasn't having it today, and at the checkout counter he demanded that she turn over our stolen wares. He opened her purse and found a set of body wash in there, and demanded that she pay for it. From there she preceded to insult us, and threatened she'd knock us out as she stormed out of the store! I felt kind of bad that we searched her, in a way it's really not our business to ask people to show us what's in their bags. On the other hand however, seeing the way her well-meaning facade broke apart after her antics were exposed really makes me think there wasn't much good in her to begin with. As much as you want to help them at times, some people are simply trouble.
Anecdote aside, I felt much more "present" at dinnertime than I usually am. However, one of my fears came to light however: being no longer slugged by a prior night's smoking, I had much more energy around my family than I usually do. This made me feel particularly anxious, and I spent much of our dinner outing shifting around in my chair, darting my head about for a spot in the restaurant that I could look at without making eye contact with my parents. As weird as that sounds, I've always felt that initially quitting weed can make you look like you're on some sort of stimulant, given the fact that your mind's working at full capacity again and your body no longer beckons for an insatiable snooze. Therefore, quitting drugs can actually make you look like you're ON them, if you're not careful.
Anyways, I think that's enough writing for today. It's good that I've started my goal of waking up earlier, and as my schedule clears I'll have to find time to exercise again and keep on the look out for things that keep me engaged, like I've promised myself. I'll see you soon!