nin137

Nick's Journal
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2021-02-25 16:38:52 (UTC)

Online Dating Apps

so I'm out there. yep that's right women, hold on to your panties because this eligible bachelor has finally put himself on the market! I was putting it off for quite some time. to be honest that's the one thing that really makes me kind of anxious. but the other night I had this terribly sad dream. juliann and I were fighting again in the dream, she accused me of cheating. I don't remember much more from the dream other than the very end right before I woke up. we were hugging and she was whispering in my ear things into my ear like "you don't close your mouth when you eat" and "you snore" and we were both kind of crying and I was saying, "that's just something someone says when they're trying to distance themselves from someone" and she was crying and said, "I know but I have to." and then I woke up.

so rather than wallow in my sadness I thought it would be healthy and wise to try to do something positive with that sadness and put myself "out there." in addition to feeling anxiety I also feel excitement. I am optimistic and hope I can find someone really nice. however, after swiping for some time I do get a bit depressed. not just by the dearth of people out there but also by the people I am swiping left on. some of them, I'm sorry to write this, but some of them just seem so sad and pathetic. like a puppy in the rain that just wants to come in to sit in front of the fire.

some have been obviously hurt in past relationships. when the bio starts with, "I don't want..." you know there's some trauma there already. and I just wonder, how is it for women? like do you guys get a lot of creepy guys messaging you? I just feel like my message on one of those apps is like one of the resumes I send out daily; just getting lost in the wind.

so now I can get rejection on to fronts: the job and the personal dating life. yay for me!

what else is there? oh! I wrote a family narrative, like actually worked on it and wrote it and had a friend of mine edit it, not like this stream of consciousness writing I'm doing here. it's about my family who lived in Austria during the Nazi era. I collected all the stories I was told over the years and put it together into a workable narrative. I will publish that over the next few entries. I'm not sure if anyone is interested in that, but I couldn't really find an appropriate forum anyhow, so this seems as good as any!

wish me luck on the dating app!


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