the pursuit of happiness
Ad 2:
2021-02-23 06:21:51 (UTC)

Victim shaming

Yesterday she and I talked about some things as I wrote previously. We also talked about our daughter and how she isn’t contacting her college to schedule a visit. She wanted permission from me to do it anyway. She told me that it wasn’t getting done and it was getting down to the wire to get things scheduled. I took it at face value and told her to go ahead and do it anyway. That at least it would be done even if our daughter got angry.

Then last night daughter was barely around. School, student council, boyfriend. I barely saw her. When I did, I told her about how we went to the high school and FINALLY returned these team banners that have been sitting in a car for literally 4 months past tennis season. I’d been trying to get my wife (don’t feel comfortable using that term but don’t have a better one) to get rid of them. When I told my daughter that, her response was that my wife was trying to run her life. I was shocked and didn’t know anything about anything except that we had contacted the college. I left it alone.

Then last night when I said goodnight to my daughter she was upset. I was like just avoid her. Do what you have to and get back to your room. I said it with makeshift sign so we were not heard. My voice carries. Then she was like what? And I said it aloud. She was like she’s just going to want to talk to me. I replied maybe... obviously missing three point. She said she couldn’t talk to her mother right now because of what she said and did today. By this point she had tears coming. So I was like just talk control. If you don’t want us to schedule stuff, just get it done. She crying now and said I can’t just do that... I really didn’t understand why and told her if she didn’t want her to contact the school, then she needs to email them herself.

I really don’t know where I went wrong here... this is the text message I got from my daughter a half hour ago.
I didn’t appreciate how you talked to me tonight. You do not see the interactions I have with my mother on a daily basis and our situations are very different. It is not fair for you to victim blame me by saying I should just take control. By saying that you invalidated my experience with her and made it seem as though I was to blame for being treated that way. I’m not okay with that and I’d like you to know that.

I am very glad she feels comfortable telling me this, but I am at a loss what I did wrong. I get that she and her mom are at odds. I am at odds with her mom! I get it that her ability to selectively parcel out information and play the victim herself is astounding. She’s still the manipulative person I’ve talked about... she’s just doing it better and more underhandedly. Feedback on this one will be appreciated. If I get more info I’ll post it in later entries.